I don't want to go through the motions

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_rmCeAzqKc&feature=related

This might hurt; It's not safe
But I know that I've got to make a change
I don't care if I break
At least I'll be feeling something
Just ok is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

Chorus:
I don't want to go through the motions
I don't want to go one more day
Without your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't want to spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything
Instead of going through the motions

No regrets; Not this time
Gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
Just ok is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

Chorus

Take me all the way
Take me all the way
I don't want to go through the motions
I'm finally feeling something real

I don't want to go through the motions

Our words

How powerful are the words that come out of your mouth? Do you think they can impact a situation? I have been thinking a lot about this very thing lately...and today it proved true that yes there is so much power in the words that come out of my mouth. Let me explain...
Today I got a phone call from my mom. She was very relieved and excited to have brought her husband home from the hospital and very happy to tell me how well he was doing! I will back up a few days. Three nights ago on his birthday his appendix ruptured. My mom called me sat morning at 4 am to tell me he was just about to go into surgery. I could hear the worry in her voice and in my sleepiness I said three simple words...I will pray. She said OK, I will call you when he gets out of surgery, and that was the end of our conversation. She called me about an hour later around 5 am to tell me that the surgery went well and everything was OK, but all of her fears came out as well. She talked about the risk of infection, about his previous kidney transplant and how he isn't suppose to take antibiotics but he has to, and how this could really be bad for him...I listened for a few minutes and stopped her. I said Mom...you don't have to receive those thoughts you know. You can rebuke that nonsense. She said what do you mean? I said your husband is a strong man and if he can get through a kidney transplant he can get through appendix surgery! He will be just fine! He isn't going to get an infection, the doctors did a great job and the medicine he is taking will do what it is suppose to! I said stop speaking negative over him. She was kinda shocked and said...Oh! OK...ya I guess your right. She seemed a little better and said she would call me later.
So back to this morning. She called me and said you know Shawna when I called you the first time at 4 am and as all as you said was "I will pray"...you couldn't have said anything better. It gave me peace. So many people over the last few days have been so negative and filling me with all of the risks and worries and what ifs that when I called you and you told me to stop speaking negative and focus on the positive, speak positive and believe positive that it was so helpful and really got me through. You were the only one who had encouraging helpful uplifting things to say! So thank you for being you!
It was a great testimony of how powerful our words of encouragement can be! We all know how negative words can impact a situation...so this for me was proof that it goes both ways! Let me encourage you in two ways. First think about things that will HELP you! Not things that will add worry to what ever it is you are going through. If you can't, ask someone to help you!

Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Phil 4:6-8

Secondly, think about what you say! If it's good or bad there is more power in the words that come out of your mouth than you think!
May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer. PS 19:14

Soon

The past few months have been crazy busy and I can't wait to tell you all about it! I am just taking a moment to tell you that I will TELL you soon!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

March 26th 1999 - I became mommy

HAPPY 10th BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFUL KAEHLI LYNN!!!!

Bitter Sweet

9 am this morning I had my teeth cleaned...everything looked good I was even asked if I whiten my teeth which I don't but would like to. There really isn't anything comfortable about getting your teeth cleaned. The metal tools, the scrapping, the poking with a very sharp poky thing up into your gums to check your bone, the sound of your spit being sucked up a tube along with half your lips when you close them, the floss going between your teeth into a part of your gums, pushing back and forth making them bleed (somehow this is very good for them), oh and I can't forget the X-Ray pieces of paper that you have to bite on! Bite down they say! Well when it digs into your gum under your tongue you should stop...nope a little more...hold it...OK good. Now, stick this Styrofoam mouth guard covered in wet foam that tastes like medicated bubblegum in your mouth. My already big lips now almost touching my nose, blue Styrofoam touching the back of my throat, and foam draining down my chin...oh now add that suction tube between the shmoz of lips, Styrofoam and bubblegum foam. Sit 2-3 minutes. Done! Yeah! Hurray!

Nope the doctor said I need to have a tooth looked at because there is some discoloration and may have decay under the enamel. This same tooth showed up last year at my check up too but then it wasn't really a problem. This year there is a change in it enough that they want to fill it. GREAT! So I go to the front to make an appointment...how about now the next guy isn't coming in till 11. Well...OK I guess. So back into the room I go. This time I get the funky glasses and head phones to watch t.v. in comes the Dr...some numbing cream on the back of my jaw...couple pokes....HEART RACING, SHAKING, SWEATING...sit up have to take off my sweater, sunglasses, headphones...can't swallow...breath...breath....Shawna this is normal it is adrenaline from the needles pumping threw your body and will be over in about 3-5 minutes. Fewwwww! Sure enough other than shaking hands my heart slowed back down and I was OK. On went the plastic guard that pushes your lips as wide as humanly possible and after a bunch of horrible high pitched squealing and sucking sounds I was done.

I could not wait to get out of that office. I am pretty sure I would rather give birth than do the following two things. 1. slam my thumb in my husbands truck door and have to use my other hand to open the door to get it out. 2. Have a crazy adrenaline panic attack on a Thur morning not to mention several needles in my mouth. But with that said, the last time I gave birth was almost 5 years ago and I have been told that may not be an accurate statement.

Rushing down the stairs I flung open the door...and...A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!! I LOVE this time of year!!!!!! I can't explain to you how my heart started to race in a totally different way. I got in the van, sat down, took in a huge deep breath and sat for a second. (don't forget I am totally numb to the tops of my ears, talk like I have had a major stroke, and have lips that look like I was punched out) The sun is shinning so bright today, and it was warm on my face. I love that feeling, it fills me up to the top! I could hear the water running down the man holes, I could almost see the snow melting...I could smell spring in the air! I love it! It brings an excitement to my day that gives me a longing to see the garden centers open at Superstore and Canadian Tire or Home Depot. I know that soon I will see sprigs of green grass start to show up amongst all the brown beat down grass. I know that soon I will hear my precious chickadee singing SPPPPPPPRRRRRRRINNNNNNNNNGSSSSS HEAAAAAAAAAARRRRR! Do you know that song? I know that soon I will have a dozen or so kids ringing my door bell...Can the kids come out and play? I know that soon I will be able to sit on my front step and read Friday's paper b/c the sun will be so warm there. I know that soon I will be putting away the winter clothes and out will come the kids new spring jackets from Costco that they got for Valentines Day and rubber boots! I know that soon I will see swollen buds on my Chokecherry and Mayday, apple, and Aspen trees...a sure tell sign that springs really here! I know that soon I will see little freckles on my kids noses b/c the sun is just that much stronger. I know that soon I will be able to work the soil just enough to stick my sweet peas in the ground! I know that soon all the winter blues will wash away with a spring rain. I know that soon....funny how my dentist's name is Dr.Soon. Ha!

What a crazy morning and what a blessed morning! God you give such good gifts! My tooth is done and my swollen face will recover with in few hours, and you have given me such a beautiful picture of spring today that I will hold on to with anticipation and excitement for the weeks to come!

Thank you God for a BEAUTIFUL day! Thank you for the excitement and anticipation of something new! A new season is on it's way and there isn't anything that can stop it! Thank you so much for loving me lord, I'm in love with the King and it makes my heart want to sing!

Jealousy

What is Jealousy?

1.
jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself.
2.
mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.
3.
vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.
4.
a jealous feeling, disposition, state, or mood.

Doesn't sound very nice does it? Well...I have been feeling pains of Jealousy here and there. It sucks and I definitely am not asking for it. I don't want to feel this way!! God has been nudging me to write about it, and to dig into his word to see if I can find the root of this Jealousy. I feel a little embarrassed actually admitting to this sin. It amazes me that no matter how much I love Jesus, I am still human and have to conquer sin as we all do. No one is exempt. There are *things* and *relationships* that I have been feeling jealous about. There I said it.

The more I focus on what I don't have, what others do have that I want and can't have, the more this humanness of mine rises up. My heart is to let Jesus rise up in me, so my humanness becomes less and He can become more. Does that make sense?

The word fear, insecurity, lack of trust are all things that accompany Jealousy. These words are not ones that I would like to describe myself with. What do I have to be jealous about you might say. The truth is Nothing! I don't accept these jealous thoughts of mine at all! I pray God would even more abundantly bless the *relationships* I find myself envious of, as well as the people who have the *things* I don't. I know the closer I come to you Jesus, the less those things will matter to me. The choices I make everyday are seeds, and I choose to You! I choose:

Romans 12:12 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Hebrews 13:5 Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (The Message)
If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.

Love doesn't strut,

Doesn't have a swelled head,

Doesn't force itself on others,

Isn't always "me first,"

Doesn't fly off the handle,

Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,

Doesn't revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,

But keeps going to the end.

Father God,

Thank you for all you have done for me, a sinner. Lord please forgive me for having these jealous thoughts as I know they are not from you. Lord I know that I could never even come close to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, with out your help. Lord thank you that you are my helper, I need you. Fill me with your Holy Spirit Lord God. Jesus I choose to take these thoughts captive Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity EVERY THOUGHT to the obedience of Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5. Lord instead I choose to fill my mind and meditate on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Phil 4:8. Lord have your way in me, create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me. Ps 50:10. Thank you God that I can be confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in me will be faithful to complete it. Phil 1:6. And thankyou that you will never leave me. Hebrews 13:5

I love you Lord, and give all of these things to you.

In Jesus Name Amen.

Being wisked away...

Just a little short of a miracle, Tory and I had an entire weekend alone! We went back and forth for a while about what we should do with our almost 2 days together. Do we stay at home and catch up on sleep, watch movies, eat popcorn and veg? Or do we head out somewhere and try to DO something with our time? As enticing as my bed sounded...Jasper sounded a little bit more exciting! We hadn't been there since our honeymoon, and we had never stayed at Jasper Park Lodge together so we booked our room, dropped off our Little's (2 at one set of grandparents and 2 at the other), stopped at Wok Box and headed out!

The weekend weather turned out fantastic! The first night we got there we checked into our room and headed straight for the steaming out door pool. Floating on our backs we starred at the stars and admired the finger nail of God as Tory called it! We felt like honeymooners! Teasing and giggling...chatting and enjoying very much the company. After a dip in the hot tub we headed back to our room. Ordered in some hot popcorn a bottle of water a diet Coke ($20 eee!) and a movie! We didn't finish our popcorn so Tory set the tray down on the floor. After breakfast the next morning we came back to our room and I noticed that the popcorn bowl was empty. I didn't think too much of it, asked Tory about it but he had no idea where it went either. I actually thought he was pulling my leg and had eaten it.

The next day we went into Jasper to shop for little treasures we could bring to our treasures back home. An elastic band gun for Cole (ya good job dad! It was a hit), a beaded kitty purse for Ashley, polished rocks for Grace, and a hanging horse ornament with hooks to hang stuff on for Kaehli...oh and I can't forget about the 4 bear claws. Huge, clusters of cashews covered/smothered in caramel then dipped in milk chocolate with 3 more cashews on top to make it look like a claw....mmmmmmmm!!! Then we headed to Maligne Canyon for the Ice Walk. It was stunning! Gorgeous! Breath Taking! 3 hours of hiking, photography, slipping, and sliding, learning about the river that never freezes, the "taps" of water that slow enough for the water falls to freeze, and sunshine!!! Making memories as a couple verses family is something we don't do often, but I am so glad we did this time, and so important for my marriage!!

After our hike, we enjoyed a candle lit meal together at the Moose Nook Restaurant. Tory had Bison Tenderloin and I had a Seafood dish with lobster, huge shrimp, scallops and mussels over Risotto (which was a cheesy creamy type rice) YUM! Then believe it or not we headed to the gym, pool and hot tub. Back to our room, in comfy clothes ready for popcorn and a movie and exhausted!!!!!!! Tory ordered a dish of mixed nuts this time b/c they couldn't find the popcorn...he didn't finish them and set the tray on the floor. This time, when the movie was over he swung his legs over the bed to find A mouse sitting in the dish of nuts chowing down! EEEEEEEK! The mouse ran down the hole by the pipe from the heat register that went down into the floor of the room. He jammed washcloths in the holes and in the end the hotel took a couple meals off our bill.

Sunday morning we enjoyed a Vanilla Latte for Tory and a Tea for me (He is risen!! you have to read my Ash Wed to know what I am talking about) and muffins in the Lodge. We reminisced about our weekend, how fast it went, and enjoying the mountain view from our little table. 10:15 am came pretty quick and we both (yes both he he) headed down to the spa for pedicures:) Lunch in the Emerald Lounge, Check out, home.

On a more serious note, I want to tell you that I know our weekend was amazing not only because of where we were, but because we put on the Armor of God everyday. I have just recently started doing it. And I know it made a huge difference in our weekend together. We didn't bicker or fight about anything...it was a laid back easy going wonderful weekend and I feel like it was a gift from my Father God! We came home feeling a little dreamy and in love and a lot more relaxed then we were going. I wish I could include more pictures...but here's a few!

Ash Wednesday

That's TODAY! Ash Wednesday! 40 days before Jesus was resurrected from the dead. Hmmm...what does that mean to me? What does that mean to you? Well from the research I have been doing apparently for the last 2000 years Christians have practiced Lent. Lent is a 40 day season to prepare our hearts for Easter. To remember what Christ did for us on the Cross. Lent means Fast. Why 40 days and why fast you may be asking. Jesus fasted for 40 days in the desert, so the season of Lent represents those 40 days where he was tempted, fasted and prayed. Lent is a time where we can examine ourselves, and give up something of value something that is important for those 40 days, in remembrance of the sacrifice Jesus made for us. He spent 40 days in the desert preparing for His ministry and to face temptation. (Matthew 4)

From what I can tell from researching, the 40 days does not include Sundays because Sundays are a mini celebration of the Resurrection, a celebration of Jesus victory over sin and death. So the season of Lent is actually 46 days. I like that idea!

All week I will be thinking about my Jesus every time I am tempted for a Tea. YES I said tea! I have a wonderful green tea with pomegranate or mango every day with a tbs of honey. Mmmmmm!!! Sometimes I have two! So for the season of Lent I am going to fast my tea, in order to prepare my heart for Easter. And on Sundays I think I will have a tea and celebrate with my family that the Resurrection day is coming! What a wonderful way to get excited about the work Jesus did, about his ministry, about his sad and devastating death, and about the celebration of the empty tomb, His precious blood that washed me clean, and His amazing love for the Father and for ME!

I want to show my children that they too can seek the Lord and will find Him. They can participate in Lent with mommy, and we can celebrate together too!! My heart longs for them to really know Him at an early age.

I encourage you to search your heart and ask the Lord what you may sacrifice for Him, because He has sacrificed so much for you. May you be blessed as you seek Him, and find Him. May he wash His amazing love over you. May you find JOY in celebrating with Christians everywhere this season of Lent. May Jesus soften your heart and fill you to over flowing as you give time to Him and prepare for Easter.

Then Jesus was lead out into the wilderness by the Holy Spirit to be tempted there by the Devil. For forty days and forty nights he ate nothing and became very hungry. then the Devil came and said to him, "if you are the Son of God, change these stones into loaves of bread." But Jesus said "NO! The scriptures say, People need more than bread for their life; they MUST feed on EVERY WORD OF GOD". Matthew 4:1-4

Happy Ash Wednesday!

Attack

This evening seemed a little chaotic. Kaehli my oldest was very over tired from a sleep over at a friends the night before so she was short and snappy and grouchy with all of us. This lead to other short and snappy children. Which lead to a short and snappy mommy and daddy. Tory struggled with a sinus cold all day and was feeling miserable and dizzy. Grace has been going through this deathly screaming stage which seems to be what I have been waking up to for the last few weeks which adds to the "short and snappy mommy". All of this to say that we were all kinda bickering and not having a happy night together at all. Supper was rushed and if you know my husband at all you know that he is a TIME WARDEN!! Can't be late!! Anyway we were driving to church tonight at it hit me that the enemy was trying to keep us from going to church. I looked at Tory and said...it's spiritual ware fare! We are being attacked because the enemy is trying to keep us from going to church. So I started declaring that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Saviour and I am a daughter of the King. And from Tory, to Kaehli, Ashley Grace to Cole we all out loud declared this! And instantly I felt a little more relaxed and a peace came over the van.
We got to church and the kids went to their classes, we took our seats with our Starbucks coffee in hand and waited. We had been anticipating this service all week. A Uganda preacher took the stage with our pastor and began to share his testimonies of delivering witches, and soldiers, Parliament leaders, and people. How these men and women use demonic powers to control people and the country. He shared how God told him to take back the land of Uganda. Even the government was scared of these witches who called on demons to give them powers, to burn houses down, kill people, sacrifice children, and worship Satan with alters and human sacrifices and other unclean things. He shared how the Holy Spirit speaks to him with knowledge and wisdom and how he has been used to heal God's children. He has been used to take back the land of Uganda and no witch or demon is stronger than the power of the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ. Many many people came to know our God in Uganda and even one of the witches that was delivered is in ministry now. He spoke over our little congregation, and called out healings that were happening then and there. He ended the service with asking if there was anyone who needed to rededicate their life to Christ, or for the first time give everything over to Christ. He asked those people to raise their hand, and then come up on stage. Over 30 people I would say came up! AMAZING! He told them how when he came to know Jesus, he gave his whole life and never looked back! He told these new Christians to do the same. We worshipped and celebrated together. It was powerful and amazing! God can work and is working in Uganda and God can work here!
I was so happy to have been in this service and wished it didn't have to end because of childcare. God is so amazing and I can't seem to get enough of Him and the testimonies of how he is working all across our nation to save His children. I hope one day I can go and witness for myself these wondrous works of the King. I hope I can be a light in this dark world.

But for now, I recognize that even here in the best place to live in the world we undergo spiritual attack because the enemy wants to rob, kill, steel, and destroy!! I choose to put on the full armor of God for me and my family. Tonight after we put the kids to bed my second daughter Ashley came up stairs weeping. She was so upset because she had a bad dream. It was literally minutes that she had been sleeping, so I thought maybe she was lying just to come out and procrastinate going to bed. I could tell instantly she wasn't lying because of how upset she was though. I said tell me what you dreamt Ashley. She couldn't tell me she said...it was too terrible. I told her that she had to tell me and say it so there would be no more darkness, for where there is light (by her telling me) there could not be darkness. Finally she started to tell me her dream. She slowly told me that there was a knock on her door and when she opened it, there was a..a...a...(she couldn't say it). What was it Ashley? She continued to cry...it's OK I told her. It was a...robber and he had a (really really crying now) a knife. I said Ashley was he coming to get you? Did he hurt you? No she shook her head...You momma he was coming to get you! I grabbed her and held her and hugged her tight and we prayed together out loud. She repeated after me
I am a child of the King Jesus Christ. I am protected and saved and loved by him. His powers are stronger than any other power. He protects my family. His blood washes me clean. He died for me. He loves my mommy and protects her. Nothing will happen to my family that isn't in God's will. ( I continued to pray over her, that her mind would be protected, that the holy spirit would fill her, our house and every room, that she would sleep well and know that we are safe and loved and protected). The enemy has no power here and he isn't going to rob or steel, destroy or kill anything!!!

Put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies and tricks of the Devil. For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against those mighty powers of darkness who rule this world, and against wicked spirits in the heavenly realms. Use every piece of God's armor to resist the enemy in the time of evil, so that after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the sturdy belt of truth and the body armor of God's righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News, so that you will be fully prepared. In every battle you will need faith as your shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed at you by Satan. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Pray at all times and on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all Christians everywhere. Ephesians 6:11-18

His eye is on the sparrow

I love God's word. No matter how I feel as long as I am willing to look past my own selfishness and emotions my father is always faithful to meet me.

Not even a sparrow, worth only half a penny, can fall to the ground without your father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to Him than a whole flock of sparrows. Matthew 10:30

Do you know how loved you are? Do you know? Do you know God knows every hair on your head and how many He placed there? Do you know you are a son or daughter of the King? Do you know He has His eye on you?

I pray that you would find the Lord this Feb 14th. You are so very loved! More than you know! GOD IS LOVE! And He is the source of EVERY mercy and the God who comforts us! Cor.1:3

My heart is FULL to overflowing for each and every one of you in my life. I love you! And am so very thankful for you! Our only power and success come from Him! 2 Cor 3:5 and each of you are treasures from God!

p.s the heart picture is off a google internet search for hearts, and so is the sparrow.

No Brains!

Ashley has been home sick for the last three days with croup. I can tell she is feeling a little better today. This is what I heard from up the stairs this morning and I had to share it as Tory and I had quite the chuckle!

Grace (who is 4): "Ashley smacked me with her stuffy on my head! And now I don't have any brains!!!! IT'S NOT GOOD FOR YOU, you know!!!"

So Grace's advice to you would be AVOID any oncoming *Stuffies* at all times or you too might be brainless!!

(smile)

Sweet Ashley

Last night was a very sad date night. Tory and I decided we just had to make an effort to be together, alone! So we rigged up our sitter, and left the house around 6:30. We went to the mall and guess what? It was closed. Went to silver city and all the movies had already started by the time we got there or they didn't start for a few hours. So we left. Tried Chapters down stairs...closed. I had a gift certificate to Chapters so we drove to another one, and it was open. I knew what book I wanted already, and encyclopedia on Roses. It is a huge beautiful rose colored hard covered book. They didn't have it. So I settled for another a-z encyclopedia on perennials. It was only 8pm. Now what? Moxie's? Desert and tea? Can't...trying to be healthier and not eat after supper. Hmm....
We ended up renting a movie and coming home. We got ready for bed and got comfy clothes on. Cut up apples and oranges (not quite the popcorn we would like but it would have to do)and jumped on the bed to Watch "What happens in Vegas". It was a pretty discouraging date up till this point, but we really just wanted to be together so it all ended just right.
At 10:00pm Ashley came upstairs not breathing well, disorientated, and out of it. As soon as I heard her coming down the hall way I knew. Croup. My kids are all susceptible to it. And if we went to a movie we wouldn't have been home to help her. I was so glad our date turned out the way it did right then and there. I knew it was Gods plan. Tory and I threw on our house coats and very calmly took our 8 year old baby down stairs. He wrapped her in a blanket and took her outside on the front step and sat with her. The cold air opens up airways that are closed with Croup. I got out the medicine and cough syrup. And put on my coat and a coat on Ashley and we wrapped ourselves up and sat together in the February cold. As I listened to her breathe deeply in and out...I was so thankful to be at home with her.
No hospital trip necessary because of the life experience that God has blessed us with. How Tory and I have settled into our roles as mommy and daddy. Ashley slept well the rest of the night and this morning her chest has already begun to loosen up.

Thank you Jesus for taking care of us and for your perfect timing. Thank you for sweet Ashley and that you love her so much. Help her to heal up fast so she can get back to doing her favorite things. In your precious name Amen.

Brotherly Love

This morning is clean up day in our house. Everyone was sent off after breakfast to clean their rooms, to tidy up the basement and bathrooms. It's amazing to me that in the midst of a "clean up" day my children are hystericaly laughing and finding ways to make it fun!

I found Cole in Grace's room (instead of his own) helping her make the bed. She was standing there with folded arms crossed over her body because in her words "IT DOESN'T GO THAT WAY!". But then Grace would burst out into hysterics because Cole would say some sort of potty talk, or dramaticly throw himself across her bed, or pretend like he was dieing and make some sort of choking sound and fall on the floor. It was too cute! I just love how he is taking care of her even at there young ages of 6 and 4! In the end Grace was content with how her big brother finished the job.

This reminds me of my husband, and how he makes me laugh. How no matter how mad I am or hurt, he somehow gets me to crack a smile! Even when I am determined (and I can be VERY determined) he lovingly, persistanly and faithfully makes sure we get it all out! Somehow ending with laughing/crying exausted from tormenting each other with teasing love. How I can only give in because I can't stay mad anymore. Drives me CRAZY when I want to be mad!! What would I do with out you hun?

I think Cole is going to be just like you when he grows up! Loving, patient, gentle, kind, helpful, taking care of the special girls in his life, loving to make people laugh especially his wife when she's mad! I love you two boys! Atleast I get to keep one of you!!

I have a Choice

I was reading a friends blog a few days ago, and I can't tell you how amazingly perfect it was for me that day. She has a devotional type blog. She reminded me that I am a woman of God who has a choice!! Yes I do!!

When my circustances seem so far from what I'd hoped, and I feel like God's somehow maybe over looked me, or I feel unheard, leaving me with quesitons and doubts, I HAVE A CHOICE!! YEH!!

“Blessed are those who don’t doubt me.” (Matthew 11:6 The Living Bible)

I just love what you wrote Gail...thank you:) I made my choice!

http://www.gailrodgers.ca/index.php/site/devotionalItem/part_05_-_faith_to_trust_god/

Friday

Today is a new day. Every day is in Him. The air is crisp and it stings a little...somehow that is comforting today. How can I stay angry and hurt when I am teaching about God's love to friends, and His Holy Spirit, and How EVERYTHING in His word is ALIVE and True and REAL even today! How my heart aches, and how I need to believe that God sees me, and loves me, and cares about the things I do! Oh how I need to cling to His word instead of how I'm feeling. Below are parts from The Compass - Connecting Streams on the Holy Spirit, and some are my thoughts.

The spirit is the source of life. He is a gift. You cannot earn Him. He is given to you as a witness. He dwells within your inner being, guiding and helping you to follow Jesus.

I (Jesus) will not leave you orphaned. I'm coming back. In just a little while the world will see Me, because I am alive and you're about to come alive. At that moment you will know absolutely that I'm in My Father, and you're in Me, and I'm in you." John 14:15-20 (the message)

***KNOW THAT THE DEPOSIT OF THE HOLY SPIRIT HAS BEEN MADE REGARDLESS OF CIRCUMSTANCE OR EMOTION***

The Holy Spirit is: He is God, He came to Dwell in you, He came to convict the world of sin and Justice, He came to teach you the Truth, He came to Glorify Christ, He confirms your relationship with God, He is the source of Christ-Like qualities in your life.

"But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, He will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control." Galatians 5:22-23a

[Jesus speaking] "Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful apart from me. Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce MUCH fruit. For apart from me you can do NOTHING". John 15:4-5

[Jesus speaking] "But when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, you will receive power and will tell people about me everywhere...and to the ends of the earth." Acts 1:8

Oh Jesus,
Please come with your powerful Holy Spirit and bring truth, and peace. Help me to cling to these truths. I want to remain in YOU. I want to be fruitful and do all you would have me do. Help me to surrender complete control of my life to You. Help me to trust You to direct and empower me. You said - "Everyone who drinks this water will get thirsty again and again. Anyone who drinks the water I give will NEVER thirst - not ever. The water I give will be an artesian spring with in, gushing fountains of endless life." John 4:14 (the message)

Nothing can ever separate us from His love. Death can’t, and life can’t. The angels can’t, and the demons can’t. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can’t keep God’s love away. Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38, 39

I will rest in YOUR words and truth today Lord God. You carry me.

Silent Drive Home

I was grateful for the silent drive home today. I was feeling very "don't touch me or talk to me I might break". And I would have. So we got home and I barely made it through my bedroom door, grabbed my pillow and threw my sorrows and body on the bed. Today it is over. My dream. It feels terrible and I don't know how to tell the kids.
We went looking at acreages today. Two actually. Funny how before we even got to either of them that I knew they weren't the ones for us. They are not where we want to grow old. Not where we want to dig deep roots, not where we want to raise our babies, not where we could have a horse, not where some thing deep inside of me skips a beat, just not the one. But I knew that because we had found the one months ago.
So after we drove away from the last acreage, thanked our realtor for his time I asked Tory to drive by THEE acreage...just to dream a little and see. We have been able to do this a lot as the house has been empty for a long long time. It took a single second for everything to crash. There were lights on in the house, a truck parked outside, the drive way was clear, and there was a little pink kids jeep pushed up in the snow and there was a wreath hanging on the front door. The for sale sign is gone.
They breached their contract with their realtor, and broke the contract we had with them as well. It's over, at least for today.
There is a pain in my chest and I don't think it's from the cold I've been fighting.
It doesn't matter anymore that each child had already picked their room, that Tory had picked out the spot where he wanted to build a garage one day, that we had walked around the entire property just to see how long it would take, that we fed and named the cat this summer who they abandoned, that well...It was THE one. It just doesn't matter anymore. This one...has no match.

Cheater???

Am I a cheater?

This question has been running through my mind periodically over the last three weeks. I have a goal. Regardless of what that is, I have one. And I am trying to figure out if I am a cheater.

I made 55 homemade chocolate mini brownies,dipped them in milk chocolate, iced them to look like lollipops, hand brushed on silver edible powder on one of the swirls, put them on sticks and tied pretty ribbon around each one. I put each one in a vase stuffed with either blue or silver tissue paper, and took them to the "sweet treat" themed baby shower last night. I worked ALL day with my friend to do it. I had one yesterday after they were all done. I brought 8 home after the shower, and I had one today. I am trying to get my kids to eat them FAST so the temptation will leave me:) So am I a cheater because I couldn't resist the temptation and had to have one?

Am I a cheater when I don't do all I am suppose to to maintain my relationship with God? Do the fly by (quick while I'm on the run) prayers, worship in the shower, the "please Jesus help" moments and grace that's prayed through screaming kids count towards the goal? Am I just cheating myself out of the best possible results when I don't GIVE it my ALL? Do the days I am distracted and *busy* and it all becomes less than I had hoped, hurt my relationship with Him? What about when I have an "I don't care" attitude? Why does it sometimes take a disaster for me to turn to God and ask Him to forgive me for forgetting about Him all day? What counts?

Every calorie I eat is more for me to burn off before I reach my goal right?

So do two mini brownies count as a loss? Do I have to work harder now to reach my goal? When my bible is collecting dust, when my journal's last entry was months ago...when...when...when...

I really wonder who is keeping score. Is it just me?

I don't want to be labeled as a cheater. I want to show my kids that it IS possible to do ANYTHING with motivation, will, determination, choice and most importantly with God. I don't want to leave Him out of anything. I want to walk the walk and see the results! Can I do it or am I just a cheater?

The Dreams Dearest

It was a long lesson to learn but you were right. I went looking for my ideals outside of myself, and discovered it's not what the world holds for you it's what you bring to it. The dreams dearest to my heart are right here...

-Megan Follows in Anne of Green Gables-

I love this quote, I was so Anne and sometimes still am! I seem to always be in some sort of trouble:) There have been so many times in my life where I went looking in all the wrong places.

Lord as I wait for you to make things clear and waiting is hard, I thank you that the dreams dearest to my heart are right here. Lord you are good, ALWAYS good. I love You and each and every lovely friend, each little one that calls me momma, and especially each one that tolerates me as who I am but challenges me with love. I love that you made me to be like you, and that you care about every hair on my head. I love that the plans you have for me are good and that I can trust you with my whole heart. I'm so glad you're my daddy and that you have not left me alone to figure things out. As I sang this verse in service today "My chains are gone, I've been set free, My God my Savior has ransomed me and like a flood his mercy reins, unending love Amazing Grace" I was reminded that you ARE so amazing Lord, and have so much to be thankful for. I have everything I need right here.

In Jesus Name

Amen

Little House on the Prairie

We got the first season of Little House on the Prairie for Christmas this year. It's AMAZING to watch it with the kids...oh how they ask questions! We just finished the first disk. Here are some of the questions and comments they've had.

1. don't they have like that texting thing...why do they have to write letters...where's the phones?

2. They drink CREEK WATER! GROSS!

3. Why don't they just use a combine?

4.Why do they take their hats off in the house?

5. why does Charles have to walk to get work?

6. They have to go to church at school! HAHAHAHAHAHA

Why do I long for farm life? For chickens and egg collecting, for horses and a garden? Why does my mind constantly day dream of huge oak trees, and apples, long grass, wild flowers and canola out my kitchen window? Why do I dream of walking up the long driveway with my huge chocolate lab running in front of me, to get the kids off the school bus? Why do I long to work in my kitchen making jam and pickles, and dainty jars of home grown canning...Why? Why do we long for what we can not have?

As a look out my window at the "for sale" sign frozen in the ground, at the winter wind blowing at at nippy -30, I long, and dream, and hope and pray...

One day...one day....

Oh Lord please help me to be patient, and to see your divine timing in my life. Help me to find contentment in where I am. Help me to understand that you see the entire picture and know what's best. I don't want to lose time in the city while waiting for the country. I wait for you Lord...

Welcome 2009!!!

Simplicity is the word that comes to my mind. I set the table today after cleaning up all the Christmas Decor with Tory. A simple beige table cloth, 6 plates, 6 cups, cutlery and a candle in the middle. It is always amazing to me the relief I feel when I get my house back in order after the holidays. I crave normality. I crave a de cluttered kitchen. I crave simplicity! My table today seemed just as beautiful as the one set on Jesus birthday. But isn't that what makes the fine china so beautiful? That it's only used once or twice a year? How interesting that we miss both! I think this year that will be my resolution. Keeping it simple, enjoying my family and friends around me. Focusing on what God would have me do...It's a NEW Year! I know I will be excited to see my china again...next Christmas;)

Thank you Heavenly Father for bringing us through 2008. What a year! Lord I thank you that you go before us! We have so much to be thankful for! Thank you for simplicity and the beauty that you bring in every season. I love you.

In Jesus Name

Amen