I have a Choice

I was reading a friends blog a few days ago, and I can't tell you how amazingly perfect it was for me that day. She has a devotional type blog. She reminded me that I am a woman of God who has a choice!! Yes I do!!

When my circustances seem so far from what I'd hoped, and I feel like God's somehow maybe over looked me, or I feel unheard, leaving me with quesitons and doubts, I HAVE A CHOICE!! YEH!!

“Blessed are those who don’t doubt me.” (Matthew 11:6 The Living Bible)

I just love what you wrote Gail...thank you:) I made my choice!

http://www.gailrodgers.ca/index.php/site/devotionalItem/part_05_-_faith_to_trust_god/

Friday

Today is a new day. Every day is in Him. The air is crisp and it stings a little...somehow that is comforting today. How can I stay angry and hurt when I am teaching about God's love to friends, and His Holy Spirit, and How EVERYTHING in His word is ALIVE and True and REAL even today! How my heart aches, and how I need to believe that God sees me, and loves me, and cares about the things I do! Oh how I need to cling to His word instead of how I'm feeling. Below are parts from The Compass - Connecting Streams on the Holy Spirit, and some are my thoughts.

The spirit is the source of life. He is a gift. You cannot earn Him. He is given to you as a witness. He dwells within your inner being, guiding and helping you to follow Jesus.

I (Jesus) will not leave you orphaned. I'm coming back. In just a little while the world will see Me, because I am alive and you're about to come alive. At that moment you will know absolutely that I'm in My Father, and you're in Me, and I'm in you." John 14:15-20 (the message)

***KNOW THAT THE DEPOSIT OF THE HOLY SPIRIT HAS BEEN MADE REGARDLESS OF CIRCUMSTANCE OR EMOTION***

The Holy Spirit is: He is God, He came to Dwell in you, He came to convict the world of sin and Justice, He came to teach you the Truth, He came to Glorify Christ, He confirms your relationship with God, He is the source of Christ-Like qualities in your life.

"But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, He will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control." Galatians 5:22-23a

[Jesus speaking] "Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful apart from me. Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce MUCH fruit. For apart from me you can do NOTHING". John 15:4-5

[Jesus speaking] "But when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, you will receive power and will tell people about me everywhere...and to the ends of the earth." Acts 1:8

Oh Jesus,
Please come with your powerful Holy Spirit and bring truth, and peace. Help me to cling to these truths. I want to remain in YOU. I want to be fruitful and do all you would have me do. Help me to surrender complete control of my life to You. Help me to trust You to direct and empower me. You said - "Everyone who drinks this water will get thirsty again and again. Anyone who drinks the water I give will NEVER thirst - not ever. The water I give will be an artesian spring with in, gushing fountains of endless life." John 4:14 (the message)

Nothing can ever separate us from His love. Death can’t, and life can’t. The angels can’t, and the demons can’t. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can’t keep God’s love away. Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38, 39

I will rest in YOUR words and truth today Lord God. You carry me.

Silent Drive Home

I was grateful for the silent drive home today. I was feeling very "don't touch me or talk to me I might break". And I would have. So we got home and I barely made it through my bedroom door, grabbed my pillow and threw my sorrows and body on the bed. Today it is over. My dream. It feels terrible and I don't know how to tell the kids.
We went looking at acreages today. Two actually. Funny how before we even got to either of them that I knew they weren't the ones for us. They are not where we want to grow old. Not where we want to dig deep roots, not where we want to raise our babies, not where we could have a horse, not where some thing deep inside of me skips a beat, just not the one. But I knew that because we had found the one months ago.
So after we drove away from the last acreage, thanked our realtor for his time I asked Tory to drive by THEE acreage...just to dream a little and see. We have been able to do this a lot as the house has been empty for a long long time. It took a single second for everything to crash. There were lights on in the house, a truck parked outside, the drive way was clear, and there was a little pink kids jeep pushed up in the snow and there was a wreath hanging on the front door. The for sale sign is gone.
They breached their contract with their realtor, and broke the contract we had with them as well. It's over, at least for today.
There is a pain in my chest and I don't think it's from the cold I've been fighting.
It doesn't matter anymore that each child had already picked their room, that Tory had picked out the spot where he wanted to build a garage one day, that we had walked around the entire property just to see how long it would take, that we fed and named the cat this summer who they abandoned, that well...It was THE one. It just doesn't matter anymore. This one...has no match.

Cheater???

Am I a cheater?

This question has been running through my mind periodically over the last three weeks. I have a goal. Regardless of what that is, I have one. And I am trying to figure out if I am a cheater.

I made 55 homemade chocolate mini brownies,dipped them in milk chocolate, iced them to look like lollipops, hand brushed on silver edible powder on one of the swirls, put them on sticks and tied pretty ribbon around each one. I put each one in a vase stuffed with either blue or silver tissue paper, and took them to the "sweet treat" themed baby shower last night. I worked ALL day with my friend to do it. I had one yesterday after they were all done. I brought 8 home after the shower, and I had one today. I am trying to get my kids to eat them FAST so the temptation will leave me:) So am I a cheater because I couldn't resist the temptation and had to have one?

Am I a cheater when I don't do all I am suppose to to maintain my relationship with God? Do the fly by (quick while I'm on the run) prayers, worship in the shower, the "please Jesus help" moments and grace that's prayed through screaming kids count towards the goal? Am I just cheating myself out of the best possible results when I don't GIVE it my ALL? Do the days I am distracted and *busy* and it all becomes less than I had hoped, hurt my relationship with Him? What about when I have an "I don't care" attitude? Why does it sometimes take a disaster for me to turn to God and ask Him to forgive me for forgetting about Him all day? What counts?

Every calorie I eat is more for me to burn off before I reach my goal right?

So do two mini brownies count as a loss? Do I have to work harder now to reach my goal? When my bible is collecting dust, when my journal's last entry was months ago...when...when...when...

I really wonder who is keeping score. Is it just me?

I don't want to be labeled as a cheater. I want to show my kids that it IS possible to do ANYTHING with motivation, will, determination, choice and most importantly with God. I don't want to leave Him out of anything. I want to walk the walk and see the results! Can I do it or am I just a cheater?

The Dreams Dearest

It was a long lesson to learn but you were right. I went looking for my ideals outside of myself, and discovered it's not what the world holds for you it's what you bring to it. The dreams dearest to my heart are right here...

-Megan Follows in Anne of Green Gables-

I love this quote, I was so Anne and sometimes still am! I seem to always be in some sort of trouble:) There have been so many times in my life where I went looking in all the wrong places.

Lord as I wait for you to make things clear and waiting is hard, I thank you that the dreams dearest to my heart are right here. Lord you are good, ALWAYS good. I love You and each and every lovely friend, each little one that calls me momma, and especially each one that tolerates me as who I am but challenges me with love. I love that you made me to be like you, and that you care about every hair on my head. I love that the plans you have for me are good and that I can trust you with my whole heart. I'm so glad you're my daddy and that you have not left me alone to figure things out. As I sang this verse in service today "My chains are gone, I've been set free, My God my Savior has ransomed me and like a flood his mercy reins, unending love Amazing Grace" I was reminded that you ARE so amazing Lord, and have so much to be thankful for. I have everything I need right here.

In Jesus Name

Amen

Little House on the Prairie

We got the first season of Little House on the Prairie for Christmas this year. It's AMAZING to watch it with the kids...oh how they ask questions! We just finished the first disk. Here are some of the questions and comments they've had.

1. don't they have like that texting thing...why do they have to write letters...where's the phones?

2. They drink CREEK WATER! GROSS!

3. Why don't they just use a combine?

4.Why do they take their hats off in the house?

5. why does Charles have to walk to get work?

6. They have to go to church at school! HAHAHAHAHAHA

Why do I long for farm life? For chickens and egg collecting, for horses and a garden? Why does my mind constantly day dream of huge oak trees, and apples, long grass, wild flowers and canola out my kitchen window? Why do I dream of walking up the long driveway with my huge chocolate lab running in front of me, to get the kids off the school bus? Why do I long to work in my kitchen making jam and pickles, and dainty jars of home grown canning...Why? Why do we long for what we can not have?

As a look out my window at the "for sale" sign frozen in the ground, at the winter wind blowing at at nippy -30, I long, and dream, and hope and pray...

One day...one day....

Oh Lord please help me to be patient, and to see your divine timing in my life. Help me to find contentment in where I am. Help me to understand that you see the entire picture and know what's best. I don't want to lose time in the city while waiting for the country. I wait for you Lord...

Welcome 2009!!!

Simplicity is the word that comes to my mind. I set the table today after cleaning up all the Christmas Decor with Tory. A simple beige table cloth, 6 plates, 6 cups, cutlery and a candle in the middle. It is always amazing to me the relief I feel when I get my house back in order after the holidays. I crave normality. I crave a de cluttered kitchen. I crave simplicity! My table today seemed just as beautiful as the one set on Jesus birthday. But isn't that what makes the fine china so beautiful? That it's only used once or twice a year? How interesting that we miss both! I think this year that will be my resolution. Keeping it simple, enjoying my family and friends around me. Focusing on what God would have me do...It's a NEW Year! I know I will be excited to see my china again...next Christmas;)

Thank you Heavenly Father for bringing us through 2008. What a year! Lord I thank you that you go before us! We have so much to be thankful for! Thank you for simplicity and the beauty that you bring in every season. I love you.

In Jesus Name

Amen