March 26th 1999 - I became mommy

HAPPY 10th BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFUL KAEHLI LYNN!!!!

Bitter Sweet

9 am this morning I had my teeth cleaned...everything looked good I was even asked if I whiten my teeth which I don't but would like to. There really isn't anything comfortable about getting your teeth cleaned. The metal tools, the scrapping, the poking with a very sharp poky thing up into your gums to check your bone, the sound of your spit being sucked up a tube along with half your lips when you close them, the floss going between your teeth into a part of your gums, pushing back and forth making them bleed (somehow this is very good for them), oh and I can't forget the X-Ray pieces of paper that you have to bite on! Bite down they say! Well when it digs into your gum under your tongue you should stop...nope a little more...hold it...OK good. Now, stick this Styrofoam mouth guard covered in wet foam that tastes like medicated bubblegum in your mouth. My already big lips now almost touching my nose, blue Styrofoam touching the back of my throat, and foam draining down my chin...oh now add that suction tube between the shmoz of lips, Styrofoam and bubblegum foam. Sit 2-3 minutes. Done! Yeah! Hurray!

Nope the doctor said I need to have a tooth looked at because there is some discoloration and may have decay under the enamel. This same tooth showed up last year at my check up too but then it wasn't really a problem. This year there is a change in it enough that they want to fill it. GREAT! So I go to the front to make an appointment...how about now the next guy isn't coming in till 11. Well...OK I guess. So back into the room I go. This time I get the funky glasses and head phones to watch t.v. in comes the Dr...some numbing cream on the back of my jaw...couple pokes....HEART RACING, SHAKING, SWEATING...sit up have to take off my sweater, sunglasses, headphones...can't swallow...breath...breath....Shawna this is normal it is adrenaline from the needles pumping threw your body and will be over in about 3-5 minutes. Fewwwww! Sure enough other than shaking hands my heart slowed back down and I was OK. On went the plastic guard that pushes your lips as wide as humanly possible and after a bunch of horrible high pitched squealing and sucking sounds I was done.

I could not wait to get out of that office. I am pretty sure I would rather give birth than do the following two things. 1. slam my thumb in my husbands truck door and have to use my other hand to open the door to get it out. 2. Have a crazy adrenaline panic attack on a Thur morning not to mention several needles in my mouth. But with that said, the last time I gave birth was almost 5 years ago and I have been told that may not be an accurate statement.

Rushing down the stairs I flung open the door...and...A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!! I LOVE this time of year!!!!!! I can't explain to you how my heart started to race in a totally different way. I got in the van, sat down, took in a huge deep breath and sat for a second. (don't forget I am totally numb to the tops of my ears, talk like I have had a major stroke, and have lips that look like I was punched out) The sun is shinning so bright today, and it was warm on my face. I love that feeling, it fills me up to the top! I could hear the water running down the man holes, I could almost see the snow melting...I could smell spring in the air! I love it! It brings an excitement to my day that gives me a longing to see the garden centers open at Superstore and Canadian Tire or Home Depot. I know that soon I will see sprigs of green grass start to show up amongst all the brown beat down grass. I know that soon I will hear my precious chickadee singing SPPPPPPPRRRRRRRINNNNNNNNNGSSSSS HEAAAAAAAAAARRRRR! Do you know that song? I know that soon I will have a dozen or so kids ringing my door bell...Can the kids come out and play? I know that soon I will be able to sit on my front step and read Friday's paper b/c the sun will be so warm there. I know that soon I will be putting away the winter clothes and out will come the kids new spring jackets from Costco that they got for Valentines Day and rubber boots! I know that soon I will see swollen buds on my Chokecherry and Mayday, apple, and Aspen trees...a sure tell sign that springs really here! I know that soon I will see little freckles on my kids noses b/c the sun is just that much stronger. I know that soon I will be able to work the soil just enough to stick my sweet peas in the ground! I know that soon all the winter blues will wash away with a spring rain. I know that soon....funny how my dentist's name is Dr.Soon. Ha!

What a crazy morning and what a blessed morning! God you give such good gifts! My tooth is done and my swollen face will recover with in few hours, and you have given me such a beautiful picture of spring today that I will hold on to with anticipation and excitement for the weeks to come!

Thank you God for a BEAUTIFUL day! Thank you for the excitement and anticipation of something new! A new season is on it's way and there isn't anything that can stop it! Thank you so much for loving me lord, I'm in love with the King and it makes my heart want to sing!

Jealousy

What is Jealousy?

1.
jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself.
2.
mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.
3.
vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.
4.
a jealous feeling, disposition, state, or mood.

Doesn't sound very nice does it? Well...I have been feeling pains of Jealousy here and there. It sucks and I definitely am not asking for it. I don't want to feel this way!! God has been nudging me to write about it, and to dig into his word to see if I can find the root of this Jealousy. I feel a little embarrassed actually admitting to this sin. It amazes me that no matter how much I love Jesus, I am still human and have to conquer sin as we all do. No one is exempt. There are *things* and *relationships* that I have been feeling jealous about. There I said it.

The more I focus on what I don't have, what others do have that I want and can't have, the more this humanness of mine rises up. My heart is to let Jesus rise up in me, so my humanness becomes less and He can become more. Does that make sense?

The word fear, insecurity, lack of trust are all things that accompany Jealousy. These words are not ones that I would like to describe myself with. What do I have to be jealous about you might say. The truth is Nothing! I don't accept these jealous thoughts of mine at all! I pray God would even more abundantly bless the *relationships* I find myself envious of, as well as the people who have the *things* I don't. I know the closer I come to you Jesus, the less those things will matter to me. The choices I make everyday are seeds, and I choose to You! I choose:

Romans 12:12 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Hebrews 13:5 Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (The Message)
If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.

Love doesn't strut,

Doesn't have a swelled head,

Doesn't force itself on others,

Isn't always "me first,"

Doesn't fly off the handle,

Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,

Doesn't revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,

But keeps going to the end.

Father God,

Thank you for all you have done for me, a sinner. Lord please forgive me for having these jealous thoughts as I know they are not from you. Lord I know that I could never even come close to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, with out your help. Lord thank you that you are my helper, I need you. Fill me with your Holy Spirit Lord God. Jesus I choose to take these thoughts captive Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity EVERY THOUGHT to the obedience of Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5. Lord instead I choose to fill my mind and meditate on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Phil 4:8. Lord have your way in me, create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me. Ps 50:10. Thank you God that I can be confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in me will be faithful to complete it. Phil 1:6. And thankyou that you will never leave me. Hebrews 13:5

I love you Lord, and give all of these things to you.

In Jesus Name Amen.

Being wisked away...

Just a little short of a miracle, Tory and I had an entire weekend alone! We went back and forth for a while about what we should do with our almost 2 days together. Do we stay at home and catch up on sleep, watch movies, eat popcorn and veg? Or do we head out somewhere and try to DO something with our time? As enticing as my bed sounded...Jasper sounded a little bit more exciting! We hadn't been there since our honeymoon, and we had never stayed at Jasper Park Lodge together so we booked our room, dropped off our Little's (2 at one set of grandparents and 2 at the other), stopped at Wok Box and headed out!

The weekend weather turned out fantastic! The first night we got there we checked into our room and headed straight for the steaming out door pool. Floating on our backs we starred at the stars and admired the finger nail of God as Tory called it! We felt like honeymooners! Teasing and giggling...chatting and enjoying very much the company. After a dip in the hot tub we headed back to our room. Ordered in some hot popcorn a bottle of water a diet Coke ($20 eee!) and a movie! We didn't finish our popcorn so Tory set the tray down on the floor. After breakfast the next morning we came back to our room and I noticed that the popcorn bowl was empty. I didn't think too much of it, asked Tory about it but he had no idea where it went either. I actually thought he was pulling my leg and had eaten it.

The next day we went into Jasper to shop for little treasures we could bring to our treasures back home. An elastic band gun for Cole (ya good job dad! It was a hit), a beaded kitty purse for Ashley, polished rocks for Grace, and a hanging horse ornament with hooks to hang stuff on for Kaehli...oh and I can't forget about the 4 bear claws. Huge, clusters of cashews covered/smothered in caramel then dipped in milk chocolate with 3 more cashews on top to make it look like a claw....mmmmmmmm!!! Then we headed to Maligne Canyon for the Ice Walk. It was stunning! Gorgeous! Breath Taking! 3 hours of hiking, photography, slipping, and sliding, learning about the river that never freezes, the "taps" of water that slow enough for the water falls to freeze, and sunshine!!! Making memories as a couple verses family is something we don't do often, but I am so glad we did this time, and so important for my marriage!!

After our hike, we enjoyed a candle lit meal together at the Moose Nook Restaurant. Tory had Bison Tenderloin and I had a Seafood dish with lobster, huge shrimp, scallops and mussels over Risotto (which was a cheesy creamy type rice) YUM! Then believe it or not we headed to the gym, pool and hot tub. Back to our room, in comfy clothes ready for popcorn and a movie and exhausted!!!!!!! Tory ordered a dish of mixed nuts this time b/c they couldn't find the popcorn...he didn't finish them and set the tray on the floor. This time, when the movie was over he swung his legs over the bed to find A mouse sitting in the dish of nuts chowing down! EEEEEEEK! The mouse ran down the hole by the pipe from the heat register that went down into the floor of the room. He jammed washcloths in the holes and in the end the hotel took a couple meals off our bill.

Sunday morning we enjoyed a Vanilla Latte for Tory and a Tea for me (He is risen!! you have to read my Ash Wed to know what I am talking about) and muffins in the Lodge. We reminisced about our weekend, how fast it went, and enjoying the mountain view from our little table. 10:15 am came pretty quick and we both (yes both he he) headed down to the spa for pedicures:) Lunch in the Emerald Lounge, Check out, home.

On a more serious note, I want to tell you that I know our weekend was amazing not only because of where we were, but because we put on the Armor of God everyday. I have just recently started doing it. And I know it made a huge difference in our weekend together. We didn't bicker or fight about anything...it was a laid back easy going wonderful weekend and I feel like it was a gift from my Father God! We came home feeling a little dreamy and in love and a lot more relaxed then we were going. I wish I could include more pictures...but here's a few!