CHICKADEE LANE

Wild horses could not take me away...from Horses

2011-10-30T21:40:00.000-07:00

This could be a long one...
It started out this past winter when Tory and I were chatting about what to get Kaehli for her 12th birthday. We had moved to an acreage the summer before and in my heart...I knew exactly what it was time for. It was time to bless our daughter with the ability to follow her dream! On the back of a horse! So here began the journey of finding the perfect horse for my girl!

We tried to keep it a secret and just couldn't. We decided she needed to be apart of the process...the hunt. I later regretted this decision as the first horse we brought home turned up so lame we took it back the next day! Let me tell you, there is nothing quite like seeing your daughter cry her eyes out from total heartbreak because of a decision you made. Uggg...not a good week! We are still months and months later trying to sort that all out. It didn't turn out well. I think this is one of those situations I'll never understand until heaven...but they say what doesn't kill ya makes you stronger. I guess Kaehli's character building began here.

My hero horseman neighbor lost his mind when he found out what Kaehli had to go through on her birthday. Thus began his search, almost hell bound and determined to make a little girls dreams come true! It didn't take long before I got a call from him early spring, letting me know he was bringing me a couple horses to try. "NO strings attached" he told me. If you don't like them, we send them back and bring two more until Kaehli has her match! He cut keys to his tack barn, gave them to me looked me in the eye and said "FILL YOUR BOOTS!". (translation: ride until you can't ride anymore!)

Through-out this time, I got myself a job at a working training facility for horses. For one month I mucked out stalls, de-wormed horses, cold hosed injured horses, filled water buckets, swept, turned out mares, geldings and studs, I stacked bales as tall as I could reach above my head on a trailer to be brought back to the barn for feed, trailered pregnant broodmares closer to the barn for foaling, and took everything in like a sponge. I asked as many questions as I could, I was honest and made sure everyone knew I simply knew nothing! I even got to help the vet exray one horses feet, that had turned up a little lame. I learned about feed, tack, and so much more. God was opening doors for me, and pushed the fast forward button for a while. I also started lessons, and got Kaehli lessoning as well. I figured if we were going to do this horse thing, I am going to do it right! That means learning everything I possibly can. I ordered many books and spent hours reading. I even drew a horse on the white board and memorized all the body parts by marking the proper names on the horse. Kaehli got a little jealous if I got to ride more than her, and I explained that if mommy doesn't figure this all out, she wouldn't get to either. She didn't say much after that. It was hard work, but I loved every minute.

Kaehli fell in love with one of the horses my neighbor brought over. She named him Denver. It really is a happy ending. The hero neighbor also gave me a horse as a gift so I could ride with my girl. How do you thank someone who finds you a horse, a safe healthy sound horse and gives it to you? So here begins the adventure...and so this blog entry isn't too long, I will save some stories for later! And I tell you...there are a few good ones!

Wild horses could not take Kaehli away from Denver...and could not take me away from being right beside her the whole way!

Shorter days

2011-10-02T08:49:00.000-07:00

The days are definitely getting shorter. Nothing enforces getting off your horse or out of the garden like night fall. The past few weeks I have been wondering around my house in the evening thinking WHAT on earth am I going to do all winter long after kids are tucked in for the night? I wish it would stay warm and light enough to be outside but the inevitable is happening and the "s" word is on its way. I won't say it out loud yet! I won't do it!
So guess what I did this week at night after kids went to bed?! BAKING! I tried two recipes that I will share with you below! WHY? Because they turned out AWESOME! I think we all won't have to much trouble fattening up for the long winter ahead at this rate;)
The first recipe is Chocolate Chip Sour Cream Muffins...YUM! I added milk to the batter because it wasn't quite sticky gooey enough (maybe I didn't measure my flour perfect). Here is the link which I found on Pinterest(my other night time filler and new found love!)

http://www.thecurvycarrot.com/2011/04/13/chocolate-chip-sour-cream-muffins/

The second recipe is Apple Crisp. I'm not a huge lover of apple crisp. I think because I have never perfected it. I find it always to mushy, too sweet...too something. BUT THIS RECIPE!!!! Its PERFECT! I loved it! YOU MUST TRY! Here is the link (thank you Natalie B for sharing your find!!!) And at this time of year, when I have 3, 5 gallon pails of apples from my sweet 80 year old neighbor to use up, it worked out just right and it's a generous size! Bake it until its getting brown and crunchy on top and you must add your favorite vanilla icecream! YUM!

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/apple-crisp-ii/detail.aspx

Both pictures are taken from the recipe links...HAPPY BAKING! And if you figure out how to stay fit with out getting on an eliptical this winter let me know!

2011-09-22T21:30:00.000-07:00

Happy Ending...with a shovel!

Long day at the office trying to get things all caught up so we can sneak away as a family this weekend. Good thing I have left over pasta sauce from last night, just have to boil some noodles for supper right?!

After work I had to take Grace to music, and then I called Kaehli on the way home to get her going on supper. This is how our conversation went...

Kaehli can you take out the pot I used last night and fill it full of water, put it on high to boil? Then set the table and call me ok? A few minutes go by...

Hi mom, I took the "green" pot out of the fridge, filled it full of water and turned the stove on high. (I am starting to feel my heart beat faster) Kaehli you don't mean the “green” crock pot in the fridge that was full of pasta sauce do you? She says "ya...you said the pot from last night". TURN everything off! Don't touch anything else. I will be right home!

Uggg! Not only do I have to figure out supper now, I have a huge mess to clean up and a meal or two is garbage! It’s now almost 6pm and I have to leave again by 6:50.

I can feel the battle going on in my head as I drive the rest of the way home. How can I NOT lose it when I get home, how can I handle this maturely? How can I just let this slide like water off a ducks back??? This can go one of two ways...

I drove in the yard (a little too fast) to find Tory, Cole and Ashley working hard in the yard cleaning up firewood and digging in the huge garden bed that I need all the clay dug out of. I stormed in the house, stormed by Kaehli, stormed around some more, stormed to the bathroom and dumped the very watered down pasta sauce (that was more water than sauce) down the toilet. No apology from Kaehli, no “can I help clean up”, not a peep. Later she told me she knew I was mad so she stayed away.

I came up with plan B for supper (Burgers and perogies), Did I mention Tory said “I looked mad”?, did the dishes and left for the third trip back to town, haircuts for Grace and Cole.

As I sat and had time to think while each kid had their special time in the chair I wonder how the last 2 hours just happened. I told myself I wanted to just let this go, yet I didn’t. I was cranky, and mad and probably looked more like a two year old having a tantrum than anything else. Sighhh

I decided I owed everyone an apology so off to Jack’s Drive In we went to bring Ice-cream treats home for everyone! As I pulled in the yard, I found my husband working in the dark with tractor lights on still digging in my dirt, my new garden bed!!! Let me tell you was I humbled! AND was I ever glad I brought home ice-cream!!! I apologized for my bad attitude to Tory, thanked him for his hard work, thanked the kids for helping in the yard, and asked my 12 year old if we could be friends. I told her I was sorry for making her think I was mad at her, I wasn’t really, just frustrated with the situation. She very willingly accepted, gave me a huge hug and had a huge smile taking her Oreo Jack frost!

This long story to tell you the day ended with a shovel, ice cream and one big happy family! Thanks God for little lessons that keep me humble and thank you for a hardworking husband and kids who love me despite my tantrums!!!

-Full Heart-

A bunch of FIRST'S

2011-09-19T20:20:00.000-07:00

September always feels like the beginning of the year for me. For obvious reasons like school starting and all of the kids activities gearing up to go. So lets look back over the last year, and I will tell you about all of our firsts!

First year living on an acreage I have to say has been everything I dreamed it would be! Here is a little peek...

First garden turned out to be a success!

First baby bunnies were so sweet that we kept making more!

First horse and first love for Kaehli...this will take a whole other post to talk about!

First time working on a Horse Ranch!

First year of Hockey for Cole!

First RODEO! YEE HAW!!!!

First farm Auction was so fun and I came home with treasure!

First time I walked down the driveway to water the flowers by the gate I stopped and whispered...Thank you God. Thank you for bringing us to this place, to this moment. I told Tory that we can get old now...and I know this is just the beginning!

Christmas Home Tour 2009

2010-01-08T19:04:00.000-08:00

This is my home decorated for Christmas. I was a part of a fundraiser to raise money for women in Costa Rica and Uganda. The money will go towards medical supplies. If you don't know what a Christmas Home Tour is, this is how it works: You pay $10 and receive a map to 11 homes. My home was one of the 11. Then you drive to each one and tour them! You definitely get inspired for Christmas. It was a great day! We decorated and displayed our Christmas traditions. Over 100 people passed through our home!! Our hope was that women would be blessed by the love and warmth of Christ through out our home.

2010

2010-01-05T19:12:00.000-08:00

2010 hmmmmmmm ten years has gone by so quickly. I find myself day dreaming often in 10 year increments. It must be a "getting older" thing now that I'm over 30. Did I just say that out loud?
So many things change in 10 years. Houses change, jobs change, your weight changes, your hair color changes, your style of clothes change, your car changes, change change change I could go on and on.

There are 2 things that have remained constant for me over the last 10 years. First God continues to prove himself to me. Me the doubter, the constant doubter (hang head here). But God my ever lasting loving God has shown me how faithful he is, how he still works miracles today, how he whispers in my ear. The latest thing he whispered in my ear just a few days ago was "I see you daughter". I was dreaming and wondering and started to shove those dreams back down where they couldn't possibly hurt me if I don't think about the ones that haven't come true. I heard it gentle and sweet but clear as day, "I see you daughter"!!!!!! I treasure those words. He sees ME! Little unworthy me! I know what ever 2010 brings my father God sees me and will take care of me! Whether my dreams come true or not I stand in His will and smile because He sees me. I couldn't say that a year ago!

The second thing that remains true and truer every day is the love my husband pours over me. I have failed him time and time again yet he continues to poor his love over me, and sheds my crazy woman mood swings like water off a ducks back ha! I don't know how he puts up with me or has for over 10 years but he has. And every hardship, every rejection, every hurt, every sting, every mountain, valley, desert storm, we find ourselves running into each others arms. 10 plus years of hard times (lots of good times too) has brought us closer together each one a reminder that all we have is each other. In the end I know who will be by my side. My best friend.

I look forward to what 2010 has in store. I know that with God and Tory and the kids by my side it's sure to be a marvelous wonderful adventure. Regardless of what the year ahead holds I know one things for certain we're gonna be closer at the end!

I don't want to go through the motions

2009-10-30T13:09:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_rmCeAzqKc&feature=related

This might hurt; It's not safe
But I know that I've got to make a change
I don't care if I break
At least I'll be feeling something
Just ok is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

Chorus:
I don't want to go through the motions
I don't want to go one more day
Without your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't want to spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything
Instead of going through the motions

No regrets; Not this time
Gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
Just ok is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

Chorus

Take me all the way
Take me all the way
I don't want to go through the motions
I'm finally feeling something real

I don't want to go through the motions

Our words

2009-05-18T19:09:00.000-07:00

How powerful are the words that come out of your mouth? Do you think they can impact a situation? I have been thinking a lot about this very thing lately...and today it proved true that yes there is so much power in the words that come out of my mouth. Let me explain...
Today I got a phone call from my mom. She was very relieved and excited to have brought her husband home from the hospital and very happy to tell me how well he was doing! I will back up a few days. Three nights ago on his birthday his appendix ruptured. My mom called me sat morning at 4 am to tell me he was just about to go into surgery. I could hear the worry in her voice and in my sleepiness I said three simple words...I will pray. She said OK, I will call you when he gets out of surgery, and that was the end of our conversation. She called me about an hour later around 5 am to tell me that the surgery went well and everything was OK, but all of her fears came out as well. She talked about the risk of infection, about his previous kidney transplant and how he isn't suppose to take antibiotics but he has to, and how this could really be bad for him...I listened for a few minutes and stopped her. I said Mom...you don't have to receive those thoughts you know. You can rebuke that nonsense. She said what do you mean? I said your husband is a strong man and if he can get through a kidney transplant he can get through appendix surgery! He will be just fine! He isn't going to get an infection, the doctors did a great job and the medicine he is taking will do what it is suppose to! I said stop speaking negative over him. She was kinda shocked and said...Oh! OK...ya I guess your right. She seemed a little better and said she would call me later.
So back to this morning. She called me and said you know Shawna when I called you the first time at 4 am and as all as you said was "I will pray"...you couldn't have said anything better. It gave me peace. So many people over the last few days have been so negative and filling me with all of the risks and worries and what ifs that when I called you and you told me to stop speaking negative and focus on the positive, speak positive and believe positive that it was so helpful and really got me through. You were the only one who had encouraging helpful uplifting things to say! So thank you for being you!
It was a great testimony of how powerful our words of encouragement can be! We all know how negative words can impact a situation...so this for me was proof that it goes both ways! Let me encourage you in two ways. First think about things that will HELP you! Not things that will add worry to what ever it is you are going through. If you can't, ask someone to help you!

Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Phil 4:6-8

Secondly, think about what you say! If it's good or bad there is more power in the words that come out of your mouth than you think!
May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer. PS 19:14

Soon

2009-04-17T09:25:00.000-07:00

The past few months have been crazy busy and I can't wait to tell you all about it! I am just taking a moment to tell you that I will TELL you soon!

2009-04-07T09:40:00.000-07:00

Make a Smilebox slideshow

March 26th 1999 - I became mommy

2009-03-28T19:33:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 10th BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFUL KAEHLI LYNN!!!!

Bitter Sweet

2009-03-19T10:14:00.001-07:00

9 am this morning I had my teeth cleaned...everything looked good I was even asked if I whiten my teeth which I don't but would like to. There really isn't anything comfortable about getting your teeth cleaned. The metal tools, the scrapping, the poking with a very sharp poky thing up into your gums to check your bone, the sound of your spit being sucked up a tube along with half your lips when you close them, the floss going between your teeth into a part of your gums, pushing back and forth making them bleed (somehow this is very good for them), oh and I can't forget the X-Ray pieces of paper that you have to bite on! Bite down they say! Well when it digs into your gum under your tongue you should stop...nope a little more...hold it...OK good. Now, stick this Styrofoam mouth guard covered in wet foam that tastes like medicated bubblegum in your mouth. My already big lips now almost touching my nose, blue Styrofoam touching the back of my throat, and foam draining down my chin...oh now add that suction tube between the shmoz of lips, Styrofoam and bubblegum foam. Sit 2-3 minutes. Done! Yeah! Hurray!

Nope the doctor said I need to have a tooth looked at because there is some discoloration and may have decay under the enamel. This same tooth showed up last year at my check up too but then it wasn't really a problem. This year there is a change in it enough that they want to fill it. GREAT! So I go to the front to make an appointment...how about now the next guy isn't coming in till 11. Well...OK I guess. So back into the room I go. This time I get the funky glasses and head phones to watch t.v. in comes the Dr...some numbing cream on the back of my jaw...couple pokes....HEART RACING, SHAKING, SWEATING...sit up have to take off my sweater, sunglasses, headphones...can't swallow...breath...breath....Shawna this is normal it is adrenaline from the needles pumping threw your body and will be over in about 3-5 minutes. Fewwwww! Sure enough other than shaking hands my heart slowed back down and I was OK. On went the plastic guard that pushes your lips as wide as humanly possible and after a bunch of horrible high pitched squealing and sucking sounds I was done.

I could not wait to get out of that office. I am pretty sure I would rather give birth than do the following two things. 1. slam my thumb in my husbands truck door and have to use my other hand to open the door to get it out. 2. Have a crazy adrenaline panic attack on a Thur morning not to mention several needles in my mouth. But with that said, the last time I gave birth was almost 5 years ago and I have been told that may not be an accurate statement.

Rushing down the stairs I flung open the door...and...A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!! I LOVE this time of year!!!!!! I can't explain to you how my heart started to race in a totally different way. I got in the van, sat down, took in a huge deep breath and sat for a second. (don't forget I am totally numb to the tops of my ears, talk like I have had a major stroke, and have lips that look like I was punched out) The sun is shinning so bright today, and it was warm on my face. I love that feeling, it fills me up to the top! I could hear the water running down the man holes, I could almost see the snow melting...I could smell spring in the air! I love it! It brings an excitement to my day that gives me a longing to see the garden centers open at Superstore and Canadian Tire or Home Depot. I know that soon I will see sprigs of green grass start to show up amongst all the brown beat down grass. I know that soon I will hear my precious chickadee singing SPPPPPPPRRRRRRRINNNNNNNNNGSSSSS HEAAAAAAAAAARRRRR! Do you know that song? I know that soon I will have a dozen or so kids ringing my door bell...Can the kids come out and play? I know that soon I will be able to sit on my front step and read Friday's paper b/c the sun will be so warm there. I know that soon I will be putting away the winter clothes and out will come the kids new spring jackets from Costco that they got for Valentines Day and rubber boots! I know that soon I will see swollen buds on my Chokecherry and Mayday, apple, and Aspen trees...a sure tell sign that springs really here! I know that soon I will see little freckles on my kids noses b/c the sun is just that much stronger. I know that soon I will be able to work the soil just enough to stick my sweet peas in the ground! I know that soon all the winter blues will wash away with a spring rain. I know that soon....funny how my dentist's name is Dr.Soon. Ha!

What a crazy morning and what a blessed morning! God you give such good gifts! My tooth is done and my swollen face will recover with in few hours, and you have given me such a beautiful picture of spring today that I will hold on to with anticipation and excitement for the weeks to come!

Thank you God for a BEAUTIFUL day! Thank you for the excitement and anticipation of something new! A new season is on it's way and there isn't anything that can stop it! Thank you so much for loving me lord, I'm in love with the King and it makes my heart want to sing!

Jealousy

2009-03-11T13:19:00.000-07:00

What is Jealousy?

1.
jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself.
2.
mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.
3.
vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.
4.
a jealous feeling, disposition, state, or mood.

Doesn't sound very nice does it? Well...I have been feeling pains of Jealousy here and there. It sucks and I definitely am not asking for it. I don't want to feel this way!! God has been nudging me to write about it, and to dig into his word to see if I can find the root of this Jealousy. I feel a little embarrassed actually admitting to this sin. It amazes me that no matter how much I love Jesus, I am still human and have to conquer sin as we all do. No one is exempt. There are *things* and *relationships* that I have been feeling jealous about. There I said it.

The more I focus on what I don't have, what others do have that I want and can't have, the more this humanness of mine rises up. My heart is to let Jesus rise up in me, so my humanness becomes less and He can become more. Does that make sense?

The word fear, insecurity, lack of trust are all things that accompany Jealousy. These words are not ones that I would like to describe myself with. What do I have to be jealous about you might say. The truth is Nothing! I don't accept these jealous thoughts of mine at all! I pray God would even more abundantly bless the *relationships* I find myself envious of, as well as the people who have the *things* I don't. I know the closer I come to you Jesus, the less those things will matter to me. The choices I make everyday are seeds, and I choose to You! I choose:

Romans 12:12 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Hebrews 13:5 Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (The Message)
If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.

Love doesn't strut,

Doesn't have a swelled head,

Doesn't force itself on others,

Isn't always "me first,"

Doesn't fly off the handle,

Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,

Doesn't revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,

But keeps going to the end.

Father God,

Thank you for all you have done for me, a sinner. Lord please forgive me for having these jealous thoughts as I know they are not from you. Lord I know that I could never even come close to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, with out your help. Lord thank you that you are my helper, I need you. Fill me with your Holy Spirit Lord God. Jesus I choose to take these thoughts captive Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity EVERY THOUGHT to the obedience of Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5. Lord instead I choose to fill my mind and meditate on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Phil 4:8. Lord have your way in me, create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me. Ps 50:10. Thank you God that I can be confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in me will be faithful to complete it. Phil 1:6. And thankyou that you will never leave me. Hebrews 13:5

I love you Lord, and give all of these things to you.

In Jesus Name Amen.

Being wisked away...

2009-03-09T07:37:00.001-07:00

Just a little short of a miracle, Tory and I had an entire weekend alone! We went back and forth for a while about what we should do with our almost 2 days together. Do we stay at home and catch up on sleep, watch movies, eat popcorn and veg? Or do we head out somewhere and try to DO something with our time? As enticing as my bed sounded...Jasper sounded a little bit more exciting! We hadn't been there since our honeymoon, and we had never stayed at Jasper Park Lodge together so we booked our room, dropped off our Little's (2 at one set of grandparents and 2 at the other), stopped at Wok Box and headed out!

The weekend weather turned out fantastic! The first night we got there we checked into our room and headed straight for the steaming out door pool. Floating on our backs we starred at the stars and admired the finger nail of God as Tory called it! We felt like honeymooners! Teasing and giggling...chatting and enjoying very much the company. After a dip in the hot tub we headed back to our room. Ordered in some hot popcorn a bottle of water a diet Coke ($20 eee!) and a movie! We didn't finish our popcorn so Tory set the tray down on the floor. After breakfast the next morning we came back to our room and I noticed that the popcorn bowl was empty. I didn't think too much of it, asked Tory about it but he had no idea where it went either. I actually thought he was pulling my leg and had eaten it.

The next day we went into Jasper to shop for little treasures we could bring to our treasures back home. An elastic band gun for Cole (ya good job dad! It was a hit), a beaded kitty purse for Ashley, polished rocks for Grace, and a hanging horse ornament with hooks to hang stuff on for Kaehli...oh and I can't forget about the 4 bear claws. Huge, clusters of cashews covered/smothered in caramel then dipped in milk chocolate with 3 more cashews on top to make it look like a claw....mmmmmmmm!!! Then we headed to Maligne Canyon for the Ice Walk. It was stunning! Gorgeous! Breath Taking! 3 hours of hiking, photography, slipping, and sliding, learning about the river that never freezes, the "taps" of water that slow enough for the water falls to freeze, and sunshine!!! Making memories as a couple verses family is something we don't do often, but I am so glad we did this time, and so important for my marriage!!

After our hike, we enjoyed a candle lit meal together at the Moose Nook Restaurant. Tory had Bison Tenderloin and I had a Seafood dish with lobster, huge shrimp, scallops and mussels over Risotto (which was a cheesy creamy type rice) YUM! Then believe it or not we headed to the gym, pool and hot tub. Back to our room, in comfy clothes ready for popcorn and a movie and exhausted!!!!!!! Tory ordered a dish of mixed nuts this time b/c they couldn't find the popcorn...he didn't finish them and set the tray on the floor. This time, when the movie was over he swung his legs over the bed to find A mouse sitting in the dish of nuts chowing down! EEEEEEEK! The mouse ran down the hole by the pipe from the heat register that went down into the floor of the room. He jammed washcloths in the holes and in the end the hotel took a couple meals off our bill.

Sunday morning we enjoyed a Vanilla Latte for Tory and a Tea for me (He is risen!! you have to read my Ash Wed to know what I am talking about) and muffins in the Lodge. We reminisced about our weekend, how fast it went, and enjoying the mountain view from our little table. 10:15 am came pretty quick and we both (yes both he he) headed down to the spa for pedicures:) Lunch in the Emerald Lounge, Check out, home.

On a more serious note, I want to tell you that I know our weekend was amazing not only because of where we were, but because we put on the Armor of God everyday. I have just recently started doing it. And I know it made a huge difference in our weekend together. We didn't bicker or fight about anything...it was a laid back easy going wonderful weekend and I feel like it was a gift from my Father God! We came home feeling a little dreamy and in love and a lot more relaxed then we were going. I wish I could include more pictures...but here's a few!

Ash Wednesday

2009-02-25T17:22:00.000-08:00

That's TODAY! Ash Wednesday! 40 days before Jesus was resurrected from the dead. Hmmm...what does that mean to me? What does that mean to you? Well from the research I have been doing apparently for the last 2000 years Christians have practiced Lent. Lent is a 40 day season to prepare our hearts for Easter. To remember what Christ did for us on the Cross. Lent means Fast. Why 40 days and why fast you may be asking. Jesus fasted for 40 days in the desert, so the season of Lent represents those 40 days where he was tempted, fasted and prayed. Lent is a time where we can examine ourselves, and give up something of value something that is important for those 40 days, in remembrance of the sacrifice Jesus made for us. He spent 40 days in the desert preparing for His ministry and to face temptation. (Matthew 4)

From what I can tell from researching, the 40 days does not include Sundays because Sundays are a mini celebration of the Resurrection, a celebration of Jesus victory over sin and death. So the season of Lent is actually 46 days. I like that idea!

All week I will be thinking about my Jesus every time I am tempted for a Tea. YES I said tea! I have a wonderful green tea with pomegranate or mango every day with a tbs of honey. Mmmmmm!!! Sometimes I have two! So for the season of Lent I am going to fast my tea, in order to prepare my heart for Easter. And on Sundays I think I will have a tea and celebrate with my family that the Resurrection day is coming! What a wonderful way to get excited about the work Jesus did, about his ministry, about his sad and devastating death, and about the celebration of the empty tomb, His precious blood that washed me clean, and His amazing love for the Father and for ME!

I want to show my children that they too can seek the Lord and will find Him. They can participate in Lent with mommy, and we can celebrate together too!! My heart longs for them to really know Him at an early age.

I encourage you to search your heart and ask the Lord what you may sacrifice for Him, because He has sacrificed so much for you. May you be blessed as you seek Him, and find Him. May he wash His amazing love over you. May you find JOY in celebrating with Christians everywhere this season of Lent. May Jesus soften your heart and fill you to over flowing as you give time to Him and prepare for Easter.

Then Jesus was lead out into the wilderness by the Holy Spirit to be tempted there by the Devil. For forty days and forty nights he ate nothing and became very hungry. then the Devil came and said to him, "if you are the Son of God, change these stones into loaves of bread." But Jesus said "NO! The scriptures say, People need more than bread for their life; they MUST feed on EVERY WORD OF GOD". Matthew 4:1-4

Happy Ash Wednesday!

Attack

2009-02-21T20:36:00.000-08:00

This evening seemed a little chaotic. Kaehli my oldest was very over tired from a sleep over at a friends the night before so she was short and snappy and grouchy with all of us. This lead to other short and snappy children. Which lead to a short and snappy mommy and daddy. Tory struggled with a sinus cold all day and was feeling miserable and dizzy. Grace has been going through this deathly screaming stage which seems to be what I have been waking up to for the last few weeks which adds to the "short and snappy mommy". All of this to say that we were all kinda bickering and not having a happy night together at all. Supper was rushed and if you know my husband at all you know that he is a TIME WARDEN!! Can't be late!! Anyway we were driving to church tonight at it hit me that the enemy was trying to keep us from going to church. I looked at Tory and said...it's spiritual ware fare! We are being attacked because the enemy is trying to keep us from going to church. So I started declaring that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Saviour and I am a daughter of the King. And from Tory, to Kaehli, Ashley Grace to Cole we all out loud declared this! And instantly I felt a little more relaxed and a peace came over the van.
We got to church and the kids went to their classes, we took our seats with our Starbucks coffee in hand and waited. We had been anticipating this service all week. A Uganda preacher took the stage with our pastor and began to share his testimonies of delivering witches, and soldiers, Parliament leaders, and people. How these men and women use demonic powers to control people and the country. He shared how God told him to take back the land of Uganda. Even the government was scared of these witches who called on demons to give them powers, to burn houses down, kill people, sacrifice children, and worship Satan with alters and human sacrifices and other unclean things. He shared how the Holy Spirit speaks to him with knowledge and wisdom and how he has been used to heal God's children. He has been used to take back the land of Uganda and no witch or demon is stronger than the power of the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ. Many many people came to know our God in Uganda and even one of the witches that was delivered is in ministry now. He spoke over our little congregation, and called out healings that were happening then and there. He ended the service with asking if there was anyone who needed to rededicate their life to Christ, or for the first time give everything over to Christ. He asked those people to raise their hand, and then come up on stage. Over 30 people I would say came up! AMAZING! He told them how when he came to know Jesus, he gave his whole life and never looked back! He told these new Christians to do the same. We worshipped and celebrated together. It was powerful and amazing! God can work and is working in Uganda and God can work here!
I was so happy to have been in this service and wished it didn't have to end because of childcare. God is so amazing and I can't seem to get enough of Him and the testimonies of how he is working all across our nation to save His children. I hope one day I can go and witness for myself these wondrous works of the King. I hope I can be a light in this dark world.

But for now, I recognize that even here in the best place to live in the world we undergo spiritual attack because the enemy wants to rob, kill, steel, and destroy!! I choose to put on the full armor of God for me and my family. Tonight after we put the kids to bed my second daughter Ashley came up stairs weeping. She was so upset because she had a bad dream. It was literally minutes that she had been sleeping, so I thought maybe she was lying just to come out and procrastinate going to bed. I could tell instantly she wasn't lying because of how upset she was though. I said tell me what you dreamt Ashley. She couldn't tell me she said...it was too terrible. I told her that she had to tell me and say it so there would be no more darkness, for where there is light (by her telling me) there could not be darkness. Finally she started to tell me her dream. She slowly told me that there was a knock on her door and when she opened it, there was a..a...a...(she couldn't say it). What was it Ashley? She continued to cry...it's OK I told her. It was a...robber and he had a (really really crying now) a knife. I said Ashley was he coming to get you? Did he hurt you? No she shook her head...You momma he was coming to get you! I grabbed her and held her and hugged her tight and we prayed together out loud. She repeated after me
I am a child of the King Jesus Christ. I am protected and saved and loved by him. His powers are stronger than any other power. He protects my family. His blood washes me clean. He died for me. He loves my mommy and protects her. Nothing will happen to my family that isn't in God's will. ( I continued to pray over her, that her mind would be protected, that the holy spirit would fill her, our house and every room, that she would sleep well and know that we are safe and loved and protected). The enemy has no power here and he isn't going to rob or steel, destroy or kill anything!!!

Put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies and tricks of the Devil. For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against those mighty powers of darkness who rule this world, and against wicked spirits in the heavenly realms. Use every piece of God's armor to resist the enemy in the time of evil, so that after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the sturdy belt of truth and the body armor of God's righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News, so that you will be fully prepared. In every battle you will need faith as your shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed at you by Satan. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Pray at all times and on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all Christians everywhere. Ephesians 6:11-18

His eye is on the sparrow

2009-02-13T10:29:00.000-08:00

I love God's word. No matter how I feel as long as I am willing to look past my own selfishness and emotions my father is always faithful to meet me.

Not even a sparrow, worth only half a penny, can fall to the ground without your father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to Him than a whole flock of sparrows. Matthew 10:30

Do you know how loved you are? Do you know? Do you know God knows every hair on your head and how many He placed there? Do you know you are a son or daughter of the King? Do you know He has His eye on you?

I pray that you would find the Lord this Feb 14th. You are so very loved! More than you know! GOD IS LOVE! And He is the source of EVERY mercy and the God who comforts us! Cor.1:3

My heart is FULL to overflowing for each and every one of you in my life. I love you! And am so very thankful for you! Our only power and success come from Him! 2 Cor 3:5 and each of you are treasures from God!

p.s the heart picture is off a google internet search for hearts, and so is the sparrow.

No Brains!

2009-02-04T14:28:00.000-08:00

Ashley has been home sick for the last three days with croup. I can tell she is feeling a little better today. This is what I heard from up the stairs this morning and I had to share it as Tory and I had quite the chuckle!

Grace (who is 4): "Ashley smacked me with her stuffy on my head! And now I don't have any brains!!!! IT'S NOT GOOD FOR YOU, you know!!!"

So Grace's advice to you would be AVOID any oncoming *Stuffies* at all times or you too might be brainless!!

(smile)

Sweet Ashley

2009-02-02T08:37:00.001-08:00

Last night was a very sad date night. Tory and I decided we just had to make an effort to be together, alone! So we rigged up our sitter, and left the house around 6:30. We went to the mall and guess what? It was closed. Went to silver city and all the movies had already started by the time we got there or they didn't start for a few hours. So we left. Tried Chapters down stairs...closed. I had a gift certificate to Chapters so we drove to another one, and it was open. I knew what book I wanted already, and encyclopedia on Roses. It is a huge beautiful rose colored hard covered book. They didn't have it. So I settled for another a-z encyclopedia on perennials. It was only 8pm. Now what? Moxie's? Desert and tea? Can't...trying to be healthier and not eat after supper. Hmm....
We ended up renting a movie and coming home. We got ready for bed and got comfy clothes on. Cut up apples and oranges (not quite the popcorn we would like but it would have to do)and jumped on the bed to Watch "What happens in Vegas". It was a pretty discouraging date up till this point, but we really just wanted to be together so it all ended just right.
At 10:00pm Ashley came upstairs not breathing well, disorientated, and out of it. As soon as I heard her coming down the hall way I knew. Croup. My kids are all susceptible to it. And if we went to a movie we wouldn't have been home to help her. I was so glad our date turned out the way it did right then and there. I knew it was Gods plan. Tory and I threw on our house coats and very calmly took our 8 year old baby down stairs. He wrapped her in a blanket and took her outside on the front step and sat with her. The cold air opens up airways that are closed with Croup. I got out the medicine and cough syrup. And put on my coat and a coat on Ashley and we wrapped ourselves up and sat together in the February cold. As I listened to her breathe deeply in and out...I was so thankful to be at home with her.
No hospital trip necessary because of the life experience that God has blessed us with. How Tory and I have settled into our roles as mommy and daddy. Ashley slept well the rest of the night and this morning her chest has already begun to loosen up.

Thank you Jesus for taking care of us and for your perfect timing. Thank you for sweet Ashley and that you love her so much. Help her to heal up fast so she can get back to doing her favorite things. In your precious name Amen.

Brotherly Love

2009-02-01T09:07:00.000-08:00

This morning is clean up day in our house. Everyone was sent off after breakfast to clean their rooms, to tidy up the basement and bathrooms. It's amazing to me that in the midst of a "clean up" day my children are hystericaly laughing and finding ways to make it fun!

I found Cole in Grace's room (instead of his own) helping her make the bed. She was standing there with folded arms crossed over her body because in her words "IT DOESN'T GO THAT WAY!". But then Grace would burst out into hysterics because Cole would say some sort of potty talk, or dramaticly throw himself across her bed, or pretend like he was dieing and make some sort of choking sound and fall on the floor. It was too cute! I just love how he is taking care of her even at there young ages of 6 and 4! In the end Grace was content with how her big brother finished the job.

This reminds me of my husband, and how he makes me laugh. How no matter how mad I am or hurt, he somehow gets me to crack a smile! Even when I am determined (and I can be VERY determined) he lovingly, persistanly and faithfully makes sure we get it all out! Somehow ending with laughing/crying exausted from tormenting each other with teasing love. How I can only give in because I can't stay mad anymore. Drives me CRAZY when I want to be mad!! What would I do with out you hun?

I think Cole is going to be just like you when he grows up! Loving, patient, gentle, kind, helpful, taking care of the special girls in his life, loving to make people laugh especially his wife when she's mad! I love you two boys! Atleast I get to keep one of you!!

I have a Choice

2009-01-28T17:37:00.000-08:00

I was reading a friends blog a few days ago, and I can't tell you how amazingly perfect it was for me that day. She has a devotional type blog. She reminded me that I am a woman of God who has a choice!! Yes I do!!

When my circustances seem so far from what I'd hoped, and I feel like God's somehow maybe over looked me, or I feel unheard, leaving me with quesitons and doubts, I HAVE A CHOICE!! YEH!!

“Blessed are those who don’t doubt me.” (Matthew 11:6 The Living Bible)

I just love what you wrote Gail...thank you:) I made my choice!

http://www.gailrodgers.ca/index.php/site/devotionalItem/part_05_-_faith_to_trust_god/

Friday

2009-01-23T09:30:00.000-08:00

Today is a new day. Every day is in Him. The air is crisp and it stings a little...somehow that is comforting today. How can I stay angry and hurt when I am teaching about God's love to friends, and His Holy Spirit, and How EVERYTHING in His word is ALIVE and True and REAL even today! How my heart aches, and how I need to believe that God sees me, and loves me, and cares about the things I do! Oh how I need to cling to His word instead of how I'm feeling. Below are parts from The Compass - Connecting Streams on the Holy Spirit, and some are my thoughts.

The spirit is the source of life. He is a gift. You cannot earn Him. He is given to you as a witness. He dwells within your inner being, guiding and helping you to follow Jesus.

I (Jesus) will not leave you orphaned. I'm coming back. In just a little while the world will see Me, because I am alive and you're about to come alive. At that moment you will know absolutely that I'm in My Father, and you're in Me, and I'm in you." John 14:15-20 (the message)

***KNOW THAT THE DEPOSIT OF THE HOLY SPIRIT HAS BEEN MADE REGARDLESS OF CIRCUMSTANCE OR EMOTION***

The Holy Spirit is: He is God, He came to Dwell in you, He came to convict the world of sin and Justice, He came to teach you the Truth, He came to Glorify Christ, He confirms your relationship with God, He is the source of Christ-Like qualities in your life.

"But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, He will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control." Galatians 5:22-23a

[Jesus speaking] "Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful apart from me. Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce MUCH fruit. For apart from me you can do NOTHING". John 15:4-5

[Jesus speaking] "But when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, you will receive power and will tell people about me everywhere...and to the ends of the earth." Acts 1:8

Oh Jesus,
Please come with your powerful Holy Spirit and bring truth, and peace. Help me to cling to these truths. I want to remain in YOU. I want to be fruitful and do all you would have me do. Help me to surrender complete control of my life to You. Help me to trust You to direct and empower me. You said - "Everyone who drinks this water will get thirsty again and again. Anyone who drinks the water I give will NEVER thirst - not ever. The water I give will be an artesian spring with in, gushing fountains of endless life." John 4:14 (the message)

Nothing can ever separate us from His love. Death can’t, and life can’t. The angels can’t, and the demons can’t. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can’t keep God’s love away. Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38, 39

I will rest in YOUR words and truth today Lord God. You carry me.

Silent Drive Home

2009-01-22T15:15:00.001-08:00

I was grateful for the silent drive home today. I was feeling very "don't touch me or talk to me I might break". And I would have. So we got home and I barely made it through my bedroom door, grabbed my pillow and threw my sorrows and body on the bed. Today it is over. My dream. It feels terrible and I don't know how to tell the kids.
We went looking at acreages today. Two actually. Funny how before we even got to either of them that I knew they weren't the ones for us. They are not where we want to grow old. Not where we want to dig deep roots, not where we want to raise our babies, not where we could have a horse, not where some thing deep inside of me skips a beat, just not the one. But I knew that because we had found the one months ago.
So after we drove away from the last acreage, thanked our realtor for his time I asked Tory to drive by THEE acreage...just to dream a little and see. We have been able to do this a lot as the house has been empty for a long long time. It took a single second for everything to crash. There were lights on in the house, a truck parked outside, the drive way was clear, and there was a little pink kids jeep pushed up in the snow and there was a wreath hanging on the front door. The for sale sign is gone.
They breached their contract with their realtor, and broke the contract we had with them as well. It's over, at least for today.
There is a pain in my chest and I don't think it's from the cold I've been fighting.
It doesn't matter anymore that each child had already picked their room, that Tory had picked out the spot where he wanted to build a garage one day, that we had walked around the entire property just to see how long it would take, that we fed and named the cat this summer who they abandoned, that well...It was THE one. It just doesn't matter anymore. This one...has no match.

Cheater???

2009-01-20T16:47:00.001-08:00

Am I a cheater?

This question has been running through my mind periodically over the last three weeks. I have a goal. Regardless of what that is, I have one. And I am trying to figure out if I am a cheater.

I made 55 homemade chocolate mini brownies,dipped them in milk chocolate, iced them to look like lollipops, hand brushed on silver edible powder on one of the swirls, put them on sticks and tied pretty ribbon around each one. I put each one in a vase stuffed with either blue or silver tissue paper, and took them to the "sweet treat" themed baby shower last night. I worked ALL day with my friend to do it. I had one yesterday after they were all done. I brought 8 home after the shower, and I had one today. I am trying to get my kids to eat them FAST so the temptation will leave me:) So am I a cheater because I couldn't resist the temptation and had to have one?

Am I a cheater when I don't do all I am suppose to to maintain my relationship with God? Do the fly by (quick while I'm on the run) prayers, worship in the shower, the "please Jesus help" moments and grace that's prayed through screaming kids count towards the goal? Am I just cheating myself out of the best possible results when I don't GIVE it my ALL? Do the days I am distracted and *busy* and it all becomes less than I had hoped, hurt my relationship with Him? What about when I have an "I don't care" attitude? Why does it sometimes take a disaster for me to turn to God and ask Him to forgive me for forgetting about Him all day? What counts?

Every calorie I eat is more for me to burn off before I reach my goal right?

So do two mini brownies count as a loss? Do I have to work harder now to reach my goal? When my bible is collecting dust, when my journal's last entry was months ago...when...when...when...

I really wonder who is keeping score. Is it just me?

I don't want to be labeled as a cheater. I want to show my kids that it IS possible to do ANYTHING with motivation, will, determination, choice and most importantly with God. I don't want to leave Him out of anything. I want to walk the walk and see the results! Can I do it or am I just a cheater?

The Dreams Dearest

2009-01-10T20:34:00.000-08:00

It was a long lesson to learn but you were right. I went looking for my ideals outside of myself, and discovered it's not what the world holds for you it's what you bring to it. The dreams dearest to my heart are right here...

-Megan Follows in Anne of Green Gables-

I love this quote, I was so Anne and sometimes still am! I seem to always be in some sort of trouble:) There have been so many times in my life where I went looking in all the wrong places.

Lord as I wait for you to make things clear and waiting is hard, I thank you that the dreams dearest to my heart are right here. Lord you are good, ALWAYS good. I love You and each and every lovely friend, each little one that calls me momma, and especially each one that tolerates me as who I am but challenges me with love. I love that you made me to be like you, and that you care about every hair on my head. I love that the plans you have for me are good and that I can trust you with my whole heart. I'm so glad you're my daddy and that you have not left me alone to figure things out. As I sang this verse in service today "My chains are gone, I've been set free, My God my Savior has ransomed me and like a flood his mercy reins, unending love Amazing Grace" I was reminded that you ARE so amazing Lord, and have so much to be thankful for. I have everything I need right here.

In Jesus Name

Amen

Little House on the Prairie

2009-01-02T16:00:00.000-08:00

We got the first season of Little House on the Prairie for Christmas this year. It's AMAZING to watch it with the kids...oh how they ask questions! We just finished the first disk. Here are some of the questions and comments they've had.

1. don't they have like that texting thing...why do they have to write letters...where's the phones?

2. They drink CREEK WATER! GROSS!

3. Why don't they just use a combine?

4.Why do they take their hats off in the house?

5. why does Charles have to walk to get work?

6. They have to go to church at school! HAHAHAHAHAHA

Why do I long for farm life? For chickens and egg collecting, for horses and a garden? Why does my mind constantly day dream of huge oak trees, and apples, long grass, wild flowers and canola out my kitchen window? Why do I dream of walking up the long driveway with my huge chocolate lab running in front of me, to get the kids off the school bus? Why do I long to work in my kitchen making jam and pickles, and dainty jars of home grown canning...Why? Why do we long for what we can not have?

As a look out my window at the "for sale" sign frozen in the ground, at the winter wind blowing at at nippy -30, I long, and dream, and hope and pray...

One day...one day....

Oh Lord please help me to be patient, and to see your divine timing in my life. Help me to find contentment in where I am. Help me to understand that you see the entire picture and know what's best. I don't want to lose time in the city while waiting for the country. I wait for you Lord...

Welcome 2009!!!

2009-01-02T15:25:00.000-08:00

Simplicity is the word that comes to my mind. I set the table today after cleaning up all the Christmas Decor with Tory. A simple beige table cloth, 6 plates, 6 cups, cutlery and a candle in the middle. It is always amazing to me the relief I feel when I get my house back in order after the holidays. I crave normality. I crave a de cluttered kitchen. I crave simplicity! My table today seemed just as beautiful as the one set on Jesus birthday. But isn't that what makes the fine china so beautiful? That it's only used once or twice a year? How interesting that we miss both! I think this year that will be my resolution. Keeping it simple, enjoying my family and friends around me. Focusing on what God would have me do...It's a NEW Year! I know I will be excited to see my china again...next Christmas;)

Thank you Heavenly Father for bringing us through 2008. What a year! Lord I thank you that you go before us! We have so much to be thankful for! Thank you for simplicity and the beauty that you bring in every season. I love you.

In Jesus Name

Amen

Divorce

2008-12-30T14:46:00.000-08:00

I have been mulling over what to blog about for a few days now and my heart keeps coming back to the same subject. It isn't about Christmas really, or new years. It is heavy on my heart.

The past few weeks have been crazy with events, excited kids, Christmas wonderlands, wrapping paper, tape, scissors, baking, resting, movies, Jammie's...a whirl wind of things. But one afternoon it all seemed to "pause" for a few hours.

I received an email to pray for my friend. I didn't know what it was about, but I prayed and I prayed then and there. With in a day or so, I found out that her parents were having problems in their marriage, that they were divorcing. That word HIT me. It was like a knife in my heart...divorce.

My parents separated and divorced when I was 10. And my Grandparents divorced when my mom was little too. I look at my oldest daughter now who is 10, and I think sometimes..."if you only knew". Yet in my heart I am so glad she doesn't "know" what it was like to be me or my mom. Our babies have such a short time to be children, and the rest of their lives to be grown up, I don't want to wish it away. In fact I would like to press pause right now, but I can't:)

Anyway, this came as a huge shock to Tory and I. I read and read her blog over a few times. My eyes burned with tears. I was sad, and shocked, and I think I was grieving for each family member represented, oh how I hurt for them. Re-living some of the thoughts I had when my mom told me my daddy was leaving. Although this family is all grown up now, there are grand kids and it is still very real to them I'm sure.

I looked at Tory, and I said "are we next"? Are we going to divorce when are children are all grown up? Will there be nothing left for us when our babies all leave home? Why are so many of our friends parents divorcing at 45-50-60 years old? Are your parents going to divorce? My head was cloudy and racing. We prayed for a miracle.

Reflecting on our first years of marriage, I am amazed that we have made it this far sometimes. See when we would fight I always wanted to "leave". Whether it was for 10 minutes to cool off or to "leave leave" it was always in the back of my head. When your hurt, and fighting, and it sucks, you leave. Get yourself out of the situation. So self centered looking back...me me me.

Well yes those actions can be helpful in certain situations like abusive ones, or if your both in agreement and need to cool off, but it didn't help my marriage. It hurt it, and it hurt Tory. He comes from a family that did not believe in divorce. It IS NOT an option, and it was not an option for him. I came from a family where it was always an option, my parents did it, my grandparents did it, so why wouldn't I too if it was bad enough. But what's bad enough?

All of this to say, that God has so worked on my heart and changed me. I know it will never be any greener anywhere else. And where ever you go you just take the big back pack on your back full of baggage and problems with you. I don't want to deal with my stuff alone! I want my best friend with me. Don't you?

Divorce isn't an option for us or for me. It is a sin. It is not God's will for me and Tory and it will never be! God gave Tory to me and me to him! We are gifts to each other.

Isn't the best gift we can give our kids and each other our marriage?

My heart hurts for the brokenness that seems to be becoming an epidemic of divorce surrounding us in our Christian circle. How is it, that the Christian families that many of my friends looked up to and were mentors and models of Christ to them, are now choosing a different path? A path of divorce or separation?

It is confusing to me and heart wrenching. How can we teach our kids not to smoke if we smoke? Or not to have sex before marriage, or drugs, drinking? How can we give our kids the gift of "choosing" to love even when we don't "feel" like it if we DON'T choose it?

Oh how I need you Lord! I need your wisdom and teaching! I am scared sometimes and desperate for you. I want to get this right! I want my marriage to last! I want to break the cycle of divorce in my family. Thank you lord that your plans for us are so much greater than the plans of the enemy. And maybe our parents are going through this trial so we can see Your truth in all of this. Help me never to lose sight of you in my marriage. Help me to see Tory how you do, to love Him like You do. Lord help the husbands and wives that can't see you in their marriage find you again. Help them choose you, and choose to love again. Lord bring healing where there is brokenness where only you can. And show us all how much we really need you. Lord strengthen our marriages and bind us together with Your love. Lord where there is selfishness in me and hardness, would you break that down, so there is less of me and more of You. I trust you Lord and I lay all of these thoughts in your hands. In Jesus Name Amen

A miracle did come for my friend and her parents. God is real today and he is working in all of us! He is using not so good circumstances and brokenness to Glorify himself. He is building testimonies of His faithfulness and truth! He is good, always Good! And because of prayer, today there is a marriage that rests in His hands. And many children and grandchildren praising Him for it!

Glory be to Our God!

Jevan

2008-12-23T20:12:00.000-08:00

Today was a great day! It was a very Christmasy day filled with tradition! My mom came over this morning early and we together made our favorite Christmas cookie...whipped shortbread. We made red and green and yellow icing...green to put between the trees, red to put between the holly, and yellow to put between the star cookies. They are a whipped melt in your mouth shortbread that is a must have christmas tradition for our family.

We made the hand puppets that came in the Christmas bag from Santa that the kids got at the Jespersen Christmas party, another tradition. They were involved, and the glue didn't stick so well, but we did it! A dog, butterfly, ladybug and frog are all sitting on the table drying over night tonight so the kids can pretend and imagine with them tomorrow.

Then we pulled out the good old Costco gingerbread house kit (the gingerbread house being the tradition...not the Costco part). My mom was NOT impressed. She was famous for her gingerbread houses when I was a kid. She mentioned today that she has probably made OVER 100 of them...and as we put together the hard peices of the cookie cutter gingerbread house...she mused over ideas. How about we make 5 from scratch next year she said. 5! Yes, one for each of the kids classes, and 1 for you here at home. I will teach you, and we can do it together. We can make homeade icing Santa's to go down the chimney, and little gingerbread men to make a fence all around the house or pretzels...and crushed candy cane for the roof...

I said ok mom...sounds like fun as long as we do it together. I am sure this will be a tradition now.

Later tonight we rented a Christmas movie, watched it with the kids and I just tucked them all in.

As I got to Cole who is 6, and I told him to hurry up and get in bed cause tomorrow is Christmas Eve, I said isn't it great that Jesus came as a baby? He said "ya but Jeven doesn't believe in him". (this is a kid in his class) I said well we have to tell him! Cole said "oh he knows about Jesus mom". (they go to a school with a Christian program). He just doesn't believe in him. Lets pray about I said..."ok mom"...you start Cole..."Dear Jesus, help Jeven to change his mind about you...your turn now mom...(tears running down my face at this point) And Lord help him to know you, so he can tell his family about you..."mom pray I don't get sick to ok?"...and help Cole not to get sick Lord. Thank you for your birthday and that you came to save us. In Jesus Name we pray Amen Good night Cole

What does tradition matter with out Jesus? What do gingerbread houses mean? And shortbread? What does Bing Crosby's Melakameekemuka or what ever it is mean if you have no faith?! What IS Christmas with out the baby in the manger? What is Christmas with out your momma praying for you? What is Christmas with out the glue that holds us together...this song spills from my heart now and to me says it all...You are Lord of Lords You are King of Kings You are mighty God Lord of everything You're Emmanuel You're the great "I AM" You're the Prince of Peace Who is the Lamb You're the living God You're my saving grace You will reign forever You are ancient of days You're the Alpha, Omega, Beginning and End You're my Savior, Messiah, Redeemer, and friend You're my Prince of Peace and I will live my life for you.

Thank you for Jeven this Christmas Lord...help him and his family find You...thank you for special traditions, and Christmasy things that mean so much more with You in them. Thank you for the faith of my son and that he knows You even at a young tender age.

You Are Holy (Prince Of Peace)

LyricsArtist(Band):Michael W. Smith

You are holy (You are holy)

You are mighty (You are mighty)

You are worthy (You are worthy)

Worthy of praise (Worthy of praise)

I will follow (I will follow)

I will listen (I will listen)

I will love you (I will love you)

All of my days (All of my days)

I will sing to

And worship

The King who is worthy

I will love and adore Him

And I will bow down before Him

And I will sing to and worship the King who is worthy

And I will love and adore him

And I will bow down before Him

You are Lord of Lords

You are King of Kings

You are mighty God

Lord of everything

You're Emmanuel

You're the great "I AM"

You're the Prince of Peace

Who is the Lamb

You're the living God

You're my saving grace

You will reign forever

You are ancient of days

You're the Alpha, Omega, Beginning and End

You're my Savior, Messiah, Redeemer, and friend

You're my prince of peace and I will live my live for you

Chickadee Lane

2008-12-21T20:48:00.000-08:00

My husband came in my office as I was working on this new blog of mine...and says "Why Chickadee Lane?" I quickly replied it reminds me of my grandpa.

I don't have many good memories of being a child. But I never lacked anything that I knew of anyway. I always had shoes, and clothes and food...although sometimes my shoes had holes in the bottoms.

Let me tell you about my Grandpa though. I am an only child. And every summer I got to go visit my grandpa and grandma Koehli. They lived in their motor home in the summer time down in a river valley camp ground. I could hardly wait!! That week or two was pure heaven to me! I got to be me! A kid! I collected worms in a tin coffee can full of dirt, I played in the camp playground, cooked over the fire with the "Master fire cooker" (aka my grandpa). No one could cook on the fire like him. We had toast over the fire with butter and jam as a bedtime snack every night...and of course marshmellows. Which no one could brown and toast like him with out catching theirs on fire! My grandpa would piggy back me up the hill...well as far as he could anyway...and we would walk through the wild grass and pick strawberries. And every morning my grandpa and I would walk. We would walk and talk and he would teach me about birds. I know the song of the chickadee, the white throated sparrow, the purple, and gold finches, the sparrows and pine sis cons, the "upside down bird" we called it when I was little, but really its called the nuthatch, the wood peckers, and magpies who would always steel the squirrels peanuts, and the robins. He would take me to see where the robins always hid in the bushes and nested and laid their pretty blue eggs. I could go on and on...but his favorite was the Chickadee...chickadee dee dee...springs here, springs here! Grandpa would say!

I will never forget the day he introduced me to a friend and his wife who were walking by our campsite...and he said "this is the apple of my eye". I didn't even know what it meant...but deep in my heart I knew he loved me so much.

I miss my grandpa. Even know I tear up with the memories I could go on and on about. There isn't a man who loved me more as a child. We were kindred spirits. My grandpa died when I was 16. I really wish he could have met my husband and my kids. He would have been so proud of me. And they really would have loved each other. One day I hope I will see him in heaven...but I don't know for sure. I miss you Grandpa Koehli, and I will make sure my little ones know about all the birds, and I will take them to the pond to watch the ducks. I love you.

A Christmas Story

2008-12-21T08:37:00.000-08:00

There once was a little girl who sat alone on Christmas day. Her mother was an alcoholic sick on the couch with pnemonia. Her mother slept on and off all day. The little girl sat on the floor by the tree and looked at her pile of gifts to open, and longed to share it with her mother. She sat there alone and opened each special treasure and quietly played. This was a very sad Christmas for the little 9 year old. She wished she had a mother instead of all the gifts that day. They were alone, isolated from all of there family and there was nothing to celebrate and no one to share it with that Christmas.

20 years later I sit here and tell you this story because I want to share what Christmas means to me. The first Christmas I had as a Christian was so powerful. I will never forget the first Christmas Carol I sung. Tears swept down my face because for the first time I knew why I sung them, I knew why the words on the screen said "oh come let us adore Him"...I was there to remember who I was before my relationship with Christ...of what He did for me...where I would be with out him. I could barely sing I was so emotional.

I could be dead, I could be an alcoholic, I could be a drug addic, I could be abused, I could be...I could be...I could be...BUT I'M NOT!

I am free! I am loved! I am forgiven! I am adopted into the family of the King! I am a dearly beloved daughter of our God! I am saved! I was chosen! ME!

Oh so much to say...how can I put into words what the Lord has done?

What my God offers is life, breath, a family, love, I will never be alone again! Praise be to God!

My mother and I have come so far! Look at her picture! She also has been given all of the gifts Our God offers...and all of them are for free! We have a beautiful relationship now, she has a husband who loves her, and 4 grandkids too. This christmas we will remember how much we have, and where we came from. We will remember that our Jesus was born to save us. We will celebrate with family and friends. We will cherish the relationships we have, we will love on our friends and neighbors and our families. We will remember we had nothing to celebrate once apon a time, but not this year! I am celebrating CHRIST and what he has done for my family.

I was nothing and now I have Purpose

2008-12-20T14:15:00.000-08:00

Here are a few of the things by the age of 15 that made me Shawna.
-my mother was an alcoholic
-my father was never there, and when he was, my parents just fought
-my parents divorced when I was 10
-I had moved over 20 times between my divorced parents
-my mother married another man who was alcoholic who sexually, mentally and physically abused her in front of me
-we tried to run away from him twice for her only to go back for more
-I was suicidal
-I was depressed
-I was using alcohol
-I was using drugs
-I had had sex
-I had ran away
-I was in and out of school
-I had scars from slashing my wrists more than once
-Then only to end up in my own physically/sexually/mentally abusive relationship by the age of 15. I was in a cloud of rape and isolation that had no exit sign.
-again suicidal
-I hated my mother and father and myself
-I was a parents WORST nightmare…yet no one said a word to me…no one said a word about the wounds on my wrists, about the weeks of school missed, about coming him drunk, about not coming home at all, about the bruises on my face, about moving out with an alcoholic abusive boyfriend at the age of 15. NOT ONE WORD. No, “Shawna your going to counselling, no Shawna how can we help you, no Shawna we love you, no Shawna stay, NOTHING! Actually they bought me dishes and tea towels. I think they thought this was the best way to get rid of the problem.
-at 18 years old after several relationships filled with abuse, rejection and pain I ended up depressed and feeling very done with life and what boyfriends or family or the world had to offer me. What that looked like - a loss of motivation and drive, switching part time jobs every few months, I didn’t want to get out of bed, I didn’t want to talk to anyone on the phone, and I cried a lot. I really wanted to stop feeling the way I did, yet I had no way to relieve my broken heart. Yet I shared my pain with no one. With no where else to turn, I moved back in with my mom, whom I hadn’t really even talked to for 4 years.

-4 months before my 19th birthday after my friend coxed me out of bed, I went to the bar to find some sort of relief, to have some fun, and crazy as it seems, there I met my husband Tory.

From that moment on, my life started to move in a direction that was exciting, and intoxicating. But not the kind of intoxicating I had known before! I could feel myself falling in love and at the same time terrified of losing him, being rejected, hurt…or more than all those things, alone with only my past whispering in my ear that your just not good enough. And what a past I had by 18 years old. I think something inside me knew that another stab in my heart could be devastating for my life.

At the time I remember coming home from a date and Tory came in…I was in the kitchen with my mom, and I looked at her and whispered “MOM, I think he’s the ONE…I don’t want to screw this up. What do I do? SCARED to death that this relationship would end and I would have to deal with the realization that another person really didn’t love me like they said they did.

So somewhere along the dating road I remember laying in Tory’s arms on the living room floor in the dark…I am sure we were just “talking”. And I said to him that I wanted to tell him everything. And I meant EVERYTHING. I was weeping beyond control at this point. I told him every gory detail of my past…I had NEVER told anyone about being raped, about those years, about all the things I was forced to do, about all the things I did because that’s just what all my friends did. I told myself that no one could love me, especially if they new who and what I really was…But Tory did accept me, it didn’t even seem to be a big deal to him. WHO was this guy? That’s how I knew he was “the” one.

So Tory and I continued to date. We partied every weekend. We went to the bar, we drank, we danced, we “enjoyed” each other, we talked on the phone for hours, we couldn’t get enough of one another. Remember dating girls? I wrote his name in my journal over and over, and practiced what my signature would look like with his last name.
We met at the end of February, and by April his birthday came along. This is when I met Tory’s “other” friends. Tory had drinking buddies, and he had Christian buddies. So on this night we went to a movie with his Christian friends. Out in the parking lot after the movie, one of the girls said “Heh! You guys should come to church with us next Sunday”.
Now let me tell you a little bit about me at this time…I wanted EVERYONE to like me, to think I was amazing, to say wow Tory you picked a good one this time, I was desperate for someone, anyone to think I was worth something, to think I was beautiful, I wanted to be wanted…and I also knew that Tory’s parents were “religious”. So going to church seemed like the next best move ;)

So at that point I said Sure we’ll come! Little did I know what would happen.

We went to church that next Sunday. And I could not believe what I felt. It was a Pentecostal church, and the music was so powerful. I had NEVER in ALL my life felt so over whelmed with love. I don’t remember the songs sang, or the message spoke that day as all as I remember was I felt love. REAL love. Love like I had never felt before. Not an “I love you” from a guy who wants to get in your pants, not an “I love you” from a mother who stays at the bar after work until her 10 year old daughter has to phone to see if she's coming home. Asks her mom if she will come home for supper, mother says yes…but never comes home, not an “I love you” from a friend who sleeps with your boyfriend…I don’t even think I new what love was. Yet this building I was in seemed to feel like home, like I had finally found what I had been longing and searching for my whole life, but I didn’t even know what that really was!
I felt like I never wanted to leave this place, I felt safe, I had to come back. I remember looking around and thinking why would I want what the world had to offer when I could have this…this place where I felt loved. These people WANTED to be here, they were HAPPY.
1 John 4:10 – This is real love. It is not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.
God brought me to that place that day. And even though I did not know Him, He loved me, and he knew me.

So Tory and I continued to party, drinking, and staying at friends houses so we could be together. This happened every Friday and Saturday and we would go to church on Sundays. Until one Sunday morning I finally broke down and told Tory how I really wanted to seek out this “church thing”, with my whole heart. I couldn’t do both life styles, that I didn’t want what the world offered me anymore! I wanted more out of life, I wanted to do things right.

I remember sitting in the church at some point, and just bawling. Tory asked what was wrong. I told him that the things I had done were unforgivable, punishable, that I would carry them forever. That being set free didn’t include me. I thought that God would never allow me to be a mom. I thought that my sexual sin made me unworthy. I didn’t deserve to have a baby, a home, a family. I didn’t deserve to have anything that may have been a desire at all.

Tory leaned over to me and in his own words said this – God has purchased our freedom with his blood and has forgiven ALL our sins. Colossians 1:14

I don’t remember how long I cried but I think it was a very long time. God spoke to me, and stamped those words on my heart…”Shawna I sent my son as a sacrifice to take away ALL your sins, ALL YOUR SINS and by my blood you are FREE. Shawna you are FREE!”

I chose at that point to believe that those words were true and that God loved me, and had some purpose for me. I had no choice, to believe the other would be to accept that I was nothing. I started to believe that God could make something good come of all the bad in my life. Hmmm what a miracle that would be. Could my life be for God’s purpose?
I was free from all that I carried, including the fear of being punished for my sin, and that I was no longer alone. I know I had a choice at that moment. I could stay in my “stuff” with all my baggage and past, or I could hand it over to God who says that it is all paid for.
1 Peter2:21-25
This is the kind of life you've been invited into, the kind of life Christ lived. He suffered everything that came his way so you would know that it could be done, and also know how to do it, step-by-step. He never did one thing wrong, Not once said anything amiss.They called him every name in the book and he said nothing back. He suffered in silence, content to let God set things right. He used his servant body to carry our sins to the Cross so we could be rid of sin, free to live the right way. His wounds became your healing. You were lost sheep with no idea who you were or where you were going. Now you're named and kept for good by the Shepherd of your souls.

I want you to know that at that moment my life changed.

I want to jump to a few years ago… I was pregnant with my 4th child. Well I ended up being hospitalizing sick. Never in my whole life did I feel so useless, powerless, and helpless. I had NO control over my life at all. A good morning was getting toast on the table for the kids and back on the couch with out throwing up. I was a complete mess. I ended up on bed rest at one point not even able to lift my 1 year old out of his crib. My neighbour would come over and help me; she cleaned my bathrooms for me because the cleaners made me throw up. I leaned on so many people, including my husband in ways that made me feel completely useless. I wasn’t able to do anything that I thought was important, or that I thought made me, ME. I stopped spending time with God journaling in the morning, singing on the worship team, I didn’t feel like a good mom, I didn’t feel like a good wife…I didn’t serve at church, I didn’t exercise…basically I stopped “doing”. And I really believed those things were what made me a good person, a good girl, a good wife, a good daughter…The phone rang one night, and even though I told my husband I didn’t want to talk to anyone, he handed me the phone. It was like he knew I needed to hear what this person had to say. It was a friend who I never really talked to, but she felt like God wanted me to know that this season I was going through was for a reason, and I should just rest. That it was ok for me to do that. WHAT! How could it be ok to do nothing? How could God still love me, if I was doing nothing for him? I couldn’t even muster out a prayer for help…I didn’t read my bible…I wasn’t doing a single thing that said I deserve to be loved by God. I defiantly wasn’t the super mom that I strived to be. Yet in his word it says this:
Nothing can ever separate us from His love. Death can’t, and life can’t. The angels can’t, and the demons can’t. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can’t keep God’s love away. Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38, 39

Well I don’t know what that says to you, but to me it was another moment where God stamped His truth on my heart. And he stamped HARD…and I mean that in the way that it was something I so desperately needed to know.
He said this to me; “Shawna, I love you, and there is nothing in this world that I desire more than you. Just you. You are Beautiful (I DID NOT FEEL BEAUTIFUL…pregnant, puking, miserable. Not what my standard would call beautiful), You are worthy of my love, you are a good girl, a good mom, a good wife, a good daughter and there is absolutely NOTHING and I mean NOTHING you could possibly do or not do that could make me love you any more.
Wow! Whether I feel worthy of being loved by God or not, He says I am worthy. NOTHING I do, or DON’T do can separate me from the love of God! Did you hear that? Nothing YOU do or don’t do can separate YOU from the love of God!
I believe it was at this time I learned what Grace meant.
And if we are saved by God’s kindness, then it is not by our good works. For in that case, God’s wonderful kindness would not be what is really is – free and undeserved. Romans 11:6
We named our daughter Grace.

But God was not through with me…

Not long after the baby was born, my husband and I had our 7th anniversary. Well this year 7 would end up to be the hardest time of our marriage. We almost lost our marriage actually. I wanted to leave, I wanted to give up and shut the door…but what I really didn’t want was to look at myself, what I contributed to this mess we were in. Have you ever heard that saying “stop looking at the hole in the wall, and start looking at what caused the hole”?
Well after being confronted with a HUGE hole in the wall…I was totally unwilling to look at myself. I could only see THE HOLE. It took some time and a whole lot of weeping…and crying out to God. And a close friend who helped me to get the strength to say “God I am willing to see, and God I am willing to let my heart be changed.” So soon I began to see, that I put everything in my life before my husband. Such as the children, the baby, sleepless nights, friends, church, ministry, headaches, myself, being tired, being BUSY…the list could go on.
I had in my head that “we” came later…that it was kids now, and I think my husband tried to tell himself that too. But the consequence to that was; it opened the door for the enemy to lie to us, and it set us up to fail. We have free will yes, and we are responsible for our choices, but how much harder would a marriage be, standing alone? If we waited till ‘LATER”, there would be no us. Devastation set in, and horror that I was a failure as a wife. I longed to be on the same page with Tory, and in unity, I longed to have a Godly marriage, where God is the centre of it all…but I thought the last 7 years of my marriage was a lie. Had everything I had been doing, everything I thought was being a good Christian a good wife been wrong? I felt so helpless. And yet I didn’t know where to turn.
In the book I am reading right now Captivating, the author talks about how women are getting the message, “you are here to serve, in the nursery, in the kitchen, on the various committees, in your home, in your community. And women whom we see as examples are doing just that, being sweet, helpful, busy, disciplined, composed, but yet they are tired. What are they teaching us through their lives? That a Godly woman is tired? And guilty? Stasi Eldridge goes on to say that we are all trying to live up to the standards of the proverbs 31 women, yet when do we have time for Friendships, taking walks or reading good books? Our lights go out at night, when do we have sex? Then there is shame, and it seems like there is biblical proof in the proverbs 31 woman that yet again we don’t measure up. Is that supposed to be Godly –that sense that you are a failure as a wife?
Paraphrased from the book Captivating – Staci Eldridge
I am not saying to you that you shouldn’t look at the Proverbs 31 woman as an example, just that this is how I felt, so confused and frustrated that I could not be this perfect person that I set my mind to be. I didn’t know how to be a wife, and yet I didn’t really know any of the women who seemed like Godly examples. And if what I had been doing for 7 years was in my own strength, then what was I to do now?
Well in this valley God had plans to mold me, take me, make me, and shape me. And he did just that. Through a series of events God began to turn a very ugly black hole into something beautiful. Something only He could do.

A dear friend had said to me “if I waited until I “FELT” like forgiving my husband I never would, forgiveness is a choice”. And yet who was I to refuse to forgive, after my heavenly father forgave me! Had I forgotten so soon that God picked me up out of the mud and gave me a new life, everything that I did NOT deserve? I didn’t have to wait until I felt better, or until I felt like loving him. Again I could consciously choose to forgive, and allow God to do the rest. This friend had also told me this equation. The Event + My response = the Outcome. What did this mean for me? That I had the power to change the outcome!
WOW another life altering truth.
It became so apparent that I needed these close women in my life that had gone through similar hard times to walk with me, and support me. Who would challenge me, and yet love me for me.
Another friend had said to me, “Shawna, the best gift you can give your children is your marriage”.
WOW! Did that just sit in my heart as truth! I had never thought that before or heard anything like it. Think about that with me. The best gift you can give your kids is your marriage. Oh how I long to be a Godly example of what husband and wife look like, of what a Godly Woman looks like. I want my children to have all that I didn’t. But it wasn’t going to come out of my own strength. I knew that God would have to help me, but I needed to be willing. And I needed to stop looking to others and to my church to tell me what that was; I needed to look to God, and to listen for his truth. I really ached inside, for I felt like I had nothing to offer anyone, and I grieved for what I thought I was losing. I left my church for a year and I left my home and worked twice a week. I think I thought I would find what I was looking for at another church, that maybe I would find myself, or that I would find people who understood me better. Do you want to know what I found after a year of being in a deep valley? I found that I already had everything I needed right here. Those friends that I left loved me, were here for me, prayed for me, and accepted me for who I was. And after this very long year, I ended up being so dry, but realizing that it was me who didn’t accept me. Now I know that God loved me so much that he allowed me to go through such a dry and confusing time because he wanted me to have more. More of Him, and more of His truth. I held on tight to God’s word, and this became my life verse:

For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need. Philippians 4:13

God took plans that the enemy had, to rob steal and destroy my marriage and made them for good. Thank you Jesus! He also brought my husband and me closer, and both of us know that our marriage is a huge priority, and we have come to love dating again. Dating doesn’t have to cost money, but it is worth budgeting for. We remember why we first loved each other so much and we know that the best gift we can give our children is our marriage. Are we perfect, are things easy, did it all come together over night, NO! God works in His own time. But we no longer stand alone, we stand together with God in the centre. And it says in God’s word that
That all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to HIS purpose. Rom 8:28

At the beginning of my talk I asked you: Have you ever sat and listened to a speaker, and thought…wow I wish I could be like them, talk with confidence like them, and have a story as powerful as theirs, have a story worth telling, a story that had an ending that brought people closer to God, a story that could change lives?

Well I want you to know that God has been working on me for 11 years that I know of, if not all of my 28 years. And that I am a very not perfect woman, but God says
He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it Philippians 1:6
And I believe that he has taken a life that was filled with a lot of not so good things, to use them for His very good plans, and my hope is that he did just that today, and that you received some of His amazing truth.

In telling you all of this, I hope you see my heart. You to, can have the unconditional love of God, forgiveness, freedom, purpose, hope, confidence and Grace. You are never alone, and there is nothing that is to big for God. ALL things have been paid for, and there is absolutely NOTHING that can separate you from the love of God. He is doing a good work in you, and I hope you share your stories, and the truths that God gave you. We are gifts to each other and I believe that God will use all of you for His Glory.

Thanks be to God